[ SECRET POST #3154 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3154 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 050 secrets from Secret Submission Post #451.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

TW: rape

[(Anonymous)]

for collapse.

"Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

HOW?! How do we teach men not to rape? They don't seem to be willing to learn. What exactly can we do to teach them?

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

Generally, we are. We're also teaching men (and women) not to steal or murder, but there are those deviants who go out and do the very thing that most of the people we told not to, don't do.

The better question is how do we teach criminals not to be criminals. That would target the offenders more than putting the blame on men by association.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

Start each sex ed class with "the burden is not on women to look after themselves, but on you -yes you specifically and don't give me that bullshit back talk- to not accept anything other than an unequivocal and enthusiastic explicit "yes" as a signal for sex and if you want to bullshit about saying by that measure you'd need a signed permission slip then you go right ahead and start carrying them son. Fair warning, it ain't the need to ask permission that is stopping you having sex, it is you personality.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[diet_poison]

this omg.

I was reminded the other day about my middle school's sex ed. It involved a section demonstrating why women shouldn't get drunk because it makes it so much easier for men to assault them. I don't remember a word being said to the boys, "also you shouldn't do this to people because it's bad".

Consent was never explicitly talked about.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

Isn't the context of this only for cases where the rapists are denying it was rape or don't realize what they are doing is rape? As in, YES, teach people that having sex with a person too drunk to consent is rape, yes date rape is rape, yes martial rape is rape. Unlike crimes like murder which is clear cut killing someone, a lot of people are unclear on what constitutes rape or not and that's a big issue that needs to be fixed

If you're talking about violent offenders who know but don't give a shit, those already don't give a shit and there isn't much teaching you can do. But, that is not the context in which that phrase should be applied.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

marital*

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[darkmanifest]

Exactly, and this is what people often miss.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

I think usually the argument goes to rape culture at that point - that the existence of rape culture normalizes rape, to some extent, and so makes rape more likely.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

Which of course is false. In the US, rape is not normalized at all. Even being falsely accused of rape can ruin your life.

Yet, in many places (including prison) murdering someone is seen as less bad than raping someone.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

I know. Also things I want to teach people.

How can we reach people not to murder?

How can we teach people not to steal?

How can we teach female teachers not sleep with their students?

How can we teach mothers to stop murdering their children?

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

Make rape prevention classes part of school, and before talking about women's self defense as if it was the be all and end all, spend the first section of class on how it is women's right not to need self-defense. Stop making being raped seem like a failure for women to defend themselves and put it on men for failing to control themselves. I've so many rape victims beat themselves up for being the victim of a rape, because we put all the social burden on women. Rape prevention is always on actions for women to take and never on actions for men to take.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[comradesmiler]

men and women know already not to rape, but psychopaths from both genders don't give a shit.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

Are you telling me, that going up to a rapist and yelling, "RAPIST NO RAPING!" Dora the Explorer style, doesn't stop criminals?

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

The problem is that a lot of perfectly normal men, family guys and young upstanding college students both, think that rape is only violent stranger-rape. There are a whole bunch of rapists and rape supporters that tell themselves they are decent guys because they have never committed violent stranger rape, and ignore all the other types of rape and rape jokes they regularly do partake of. The violent stranger-rapists, yeah, those guys know they are criminals and no amount of teaching will cure those. The rest of you guys with your excuses as to why it isn't real rape, or why a joke about rape doesn't hurt, you guys are the problem. Now, will you cop to it or are you gonna get all defensive and weasel out?

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

So you're saying based on the massive population of the male population who are rapists (and the even higher percentage that have admitted they would be rapists if the could get away with it. 1 in 3 is the figure on that, btw) they are just psychopaths? You're telling me that 1 in 3 men are mentally ill, and it's not just basic ignorance, basic lack of compassion, and run of the mill hatred, but a mental condition shared by them all?

Bullshit.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

Teach them that rape encompasses more than hiding in a dark alley waiting for a woman to walk by so they can grab her and force themselves on her while she screams for them to stop. Teach them that they're never entitled to sex from anyone for any reason.

There will still be lots of douchebags who don't care, which is why I hate when "Teach men not to rape" is treated like it should be the only solution. But it's actually amazing how many people just don't know. I'm not a guy and even I didn't realize how many things I used to think were not that bad because I didn't know they were rape.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

+1
This. This narrative that only violent stranger-rape is real rape is the problem. Anyone that denies it is a supporter of rape culture and also part of the problem, they are the ones that need re-educating.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[diet_poison]

+2

this is what rape culture actually is, it's about insidious shit like this, not dark-alley rape that virtually everyone soundly condemns

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

How about we all try to figure out various different ways of teaching it until something starts working, and then keep doing that.

It's almost like messages need testing and tweaking before they start to get a foothold, or like cultural change takes time and effort or something. Who'd'a thunk?

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

Listen, everyone knows that if you can't do something immediately and completely perfectly, it's not even worth trying

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

I think it would help to teach people to respect others as individuals. Somewhere along the line they could be taught that this includes not fucking people who can't consent, whether due to being under the influence, under a certain age, mentally disabled, or just unable to respond.

In the meantime, no one should assume they can constantly and willingly put themselves in dangerous situations without consequence. And no, that's not victim-blaming, it's just common sense (or should be common sense).

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

They do in fact seem to be willing to learn.

Or were you unaware that, despite increased awareness and thus reporting stats, cases of rape have been declining for decades?

There is less rape now than there was when your parents were your age. That is the actual fact you have to incorporate into your worldview. It is not optional.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh. I see this all the time and it's not particularly helpful to a discourse about rape.

The idea that men are predators and women are victims is something that normalises the rape of women in itself, and stigmatises when who are victims of this sort of attack. Especially if the perpetrator of a women.

Aside from that, how are you supposed to teach someone to not be a rapist? They don't accidentally rape people. And I think even the ones who rape people who are clearly too drunk to consent know that it's wrong, they just also know that the victim will be denounced for being drunk and that they're likely to get away with it.

Re: "Don't teach me not to get raped, teach men not to rape"

[diet_poison]

We change our culture so it's less acceptable.

It's a slow process, but an important one.