[ SECRET POST #3154 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3154 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 050 secrets from Secret Submission Post #451.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

Women should be taught to avoid rape, just like people should learn how to avoid car accidents by driving defensively, burglary by locking your doors, and kidnapping by keeping an eye on your children instead of your iphone at the park. It doesn't shift the blame on the victim, it just acknowledges that no matter what we do, there are going to be assholes in the world, and we can't pretend otherwise. We don't live in a world where we can be oblivious to rape. It's just a fact of life. Teach men not to rape all you want, but we should STILL be teaching women how to avoid it.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

Do you think that we're not? That these ideas aren't out there in the culture?

And while those are important messages, a problem does arise where those things get used as a way to yell at women who get raped because they didn't do one of those things. Which is fucked up and wrong.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

DA

I think they were referencing the quote "DON'T teach women how to avoid rape" and saying we are currently right to do both instead of stopping teaching women

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

That seems to be the desired solution. All I ever see is that INSTEAD OF teaching women not to be raped, we should teach men not to rape. It's basically a cliche, it gets said so often. The point that people are still going to try to rape these women who aren't being taught how not to be raped rarely comes up, and when it does, someone yells "victim blaming" and shoots it down.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

The point that people are still going to try to rape these women who aren't being taught how not to be raped rarely comes up

it comes up all the fucking time, at least in any conversation involving the population at large

it is perhaps not wise to take tumblr as the only social reality

DA

[(Anonymous)]

So also teach people not to yell at women for getting raped. The logic you're talking about is saying it's more important to make sure women who've already been raped not get blamed for it than it is for them not to get raped in the first place. And that's fucked up and wrong.

Re: DA

[(Anonymous)]

So also teach people not to yell at women for getting raped.

that is - i would say - pretty much the single main point of the "teach men not to rape" discourse

Re: DA

[(Anonymous)]

also, I strongly doubt that any of the advice mentioned in the OP is going to have a significant negative effect on the number of rapes committed, and I'm honestly kind of bewildered by the view that it would

Re: Inspired by another thread

[philstar22]

But the thing is none of the advice is actually helpful because none of those things have anything to do with rape. Women who fit none of that advice get raped too.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

i believe they mean self defense.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[philstar22]

Well, that's just a good thing for everyone to know. There is absolutely no reason to frame it as "teaching women to avoid being raped."

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

And the rare advice that are helpful? Is general enough to also be applied to men and to avoid getting mugged/beaten up/getting into trouble anytime, anywhere... but y'know, let's focus on the lone woman walking home at night because they're the ONLY ones at risk and no one ever gets attacked by someone they know 9_9

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

Of course people should be taught to avoid being victims of crime, but it can still happen even if you take precautions and what happens then is different for rape (including rape of men, not just women) than a most other crimes. That's where a lot if the "teach men not to rape" movement comes from. In addition to the burden of trying not to get raped that everyone has, victims often get saddled with the additional burden of not being believed, being blamed for it no matter what they were doing, being called horrible names, having people imply they are "ruined" or whatever, having to continue to see their rapists and school/work/family functions, etc.

Failing to lock your doors may earn you a deserved scolding, but if someone robs your house that's a crime regardless and no one is going to ask why you are trying to ruin the life of the promising young person who robbed you.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

This exactly. The problem with the OP's advice is that it feeds into rape myths; the popular narrative that only women, and only certain types of women in certain situations get raped.

I don't agree with the "teaching men not to rape" thing. They already know it's wrong. But I do think more education in general about rape would help the victims, at least.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

I don't agree with the "teaching men not to rape" thing. They already know it's wrong.

Do some basic sociological research, fuck.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[diet_poison]

eh. Some of them don't care and that has a lot to do with upbringing. It's not "hey son, listen: rape is wrong" because everyone's heard that. It's changing our culture so it becomes unacceptable.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[diet_poison]

bingo.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

The problem with teaching people "how to avoid rape" is that THERE IS NO WAY TO AVOID IT. One can be the victim of rape no matter where you walk, no matter what you wear, no matter how sober you are. Sure, caution is a good thing - but not to 'avoid rape' since the same tips are good sense for everybody.

I was sexually assaulted. I was following all the "how not to get assaulted" tips at the time: I was dressed conservatively, was sober, was alert, was out at a reasonable hour, in what's considered a 'good' part of town. Being attacked I can understand - some people are evil. What I find unforgivable is that almost every time I tell someone I was attacked (including the police and one therapist) they go through this "checklist" of ways they think I could have avoided it before they show any interest in hearing the details of the attack itself - let alone give me any support or sympathy. The attack I can almost forgive. The fact that the first police officer I talked to asked - as his first question! - "Which bar were you in?" rather than, neutrally, "were you drinking?" or "where were you?" (or, hell, "do you need an ambulance?" would have been a good opener) but chose to assume a particular location and scenario from the start.

The problem with "teaching women to avoid rape" is that it makes everybody doing this "teaching" feel better, but practically does nothing. It gives you the illusion that this won't happen to you, to your sister, to your daughter, because after all she's a SENSIBLE girl. SHE will clearly trust all the right people, SHE'S not the type to wear a 'slutty' dress, SHE wouldn't put herself in that position, would she? People can handle the narrative "girl who made herself vulnerable was taken advantage of" because they believe that makes them safe.

Let me tell you: IT DOES FUCKING NOT.

After the assault, no less than five different people gave me pepper spray. Want a laugh? I was carrying pepper spray when it happened.

So, sure. Keep spreading advice like not to get super drunk, or not to walk alone, or whatever it is you think will magically avoid a psychopath stumbling across your path. It's probably a sensible way to behave. But stop pretending it'll "prevent" assault or that anybody who HAS been assaulted could have just avoided it by being more "careful". Because that's bullshit.

Clearly, I lack perspective on this issue.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

It's more complicated than "there is no way to avoid it". There's no way that works without fail one hundred percent of the time. There are ways to decrease the chances of it happening and I'm not going to stop doing them because some people feel victim blamed by it.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

I feel you, anon. I wasn't raped but the guy did try to do stuff to me. It was the middle of winter with two inches of snow on the crowd so I was swaddled in coats and jumpers. I was walking home alone in the dark, but since I can't drive and I couldn't except my disabled dad to drive me home from work in the snow, I had to. A five minute walk from the house and that happened.

The first thing one of the officers asked me? What was I wearing? Followed by had I been drinking?

And I get you about the magical checklist people pull out to decide whether you count as a true victim deserving of sympathy or not. A lot of people focused on what I told them about the way the guy acted initially - he kept grabbing me, hugging me, and rubbing my arms to "warm me up". I was actually shaking in fear. I get asked why I didn't scream at him or push him away. When a) I couldn't have physically escaped from his grasp and b) I didn't want it to escalate. Which it did when he decided to "kiss me goodbye". SOMETHING made him stop. I have no idea what. I'm just glad I was lucky enough for him to get spooked.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

I actually think you do lack perspective. You were careful and still got assaulted, therefore EVERY woman who is careful will be assaulted! Because that's totally logical.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[diet_poison]

You have more perspective than some.

Thank you for sharing.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

Problem is, your body is not something you can hide from the world in a safe deposit box somewhere, you bring it with you, easily accessible, everywhere you go when you interact with people. We never say "teach people to avoid being sucker punched", because that's absurd. If someone decides to punch you out of nowhere, they will, there's nothing you can do about it, so we rely on people being taught that it's wrong to punch others for no reason. But somehow rape becomes the one form of unwarranted bodily assault that people are expected to magically be able to avoid more than any other type.

Re: Inspired by another thread

[(Anonymous)]

Defense. Defense, defense, defense. Everyone seems to be assuming that the prescribed course of action is to teach women how to magically enable the "do not rape" setting in their bodies. This is stupid. It is obviously stupid. It does not mean that teaching women how to be aware and protect themselves is a bad thing or a poor argument, however.