[ SECRET POST #4901 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4901 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.



__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.



__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.


__________________________________________________



11.


__________________________________________________



12.














Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 72 secrets from Secret Submission Post #702.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

For those that need it!

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

I'm genuinely trying here. I don't want the cognitive-restructuring therapist to think i'm not. But i just can't with this second phase. All the evidence against the thoughts is wrong, and all the evidence for probably doesn't count as evidence again, and i cannot seem to crack this one. It got to where i ripped up the sheets id filled in before, and it still didnt help even in a sense of catharsis. Now i'm full of evidence that i'm wasting my life AND torn paper.

I'm dreading the 15th.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Don't stress if a step in therapy isn't working for you. Communicate this to your therapist and if they're any good they'll talk you through it or offer some different approaches.

I "failed" at an exercise that was supposed to give me emotional distance from bad memories. It just wasn't productive for me. It just made me anxious. If your therapist is good they'll be able to identify why you're having trouble and work though it.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

da

This! Struggling with a step of therapy doesn't mean you're messing up your progress, it just means something about that step is really difficult for you right now (maybe it's not the right approach for you, maybe you need extra support with it, maybe it'll go way better in a week, etc). A good therapist will be able to work with you to understand what the issue is. I also really encourage you to talk with your therapist about the difficulty you're having with it (It's also okay to consider working with a different therapist if the person you're seeing currently ends up being dismissive of your difficulties or unproductively shaming you for struggling, though I certainly hope the trouble you're having rn can be resolved with their support).

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

I am... in a bit of a quandary with a friend right now. She has taken to calling herself a "TIRF"-- a Trans-Inclusive Radical Feminist. Essentially, she adores all women and rejects all men, and militantly works for the betterment of women and wlw. She is well-loved within her community and seen as doing a lot of amazing work on the ground that a lot of others can't do. I myself deeply admire her passion and her dedication, even if I think she could be a little more balanced.

The problem is... the further I go in life, the more I find myself seeing exactly where she's coming from. Every man in my life has hurt me, more and more so. Complicating things is that I'm a pansexual nb. But sometimes when I'm at my lowest, I feel like I'm doing it to myself, and if I could just shirk off everything surrounding my physical sex and just be a gnc lesbian woman, then maybe I'd finally feel like I belong somewhere.

But then that feels like a lie too, and then I get angry at my friend because I irrationally feel like she put those thoughts in my head. I've been distant with her lately and she's noticed. I don't know what to do! She hasn't even done anything wrong. Please, someone just break my brain open and fix whatever the hell is wrong in there.

Signed, a deeply hurt gender-confused pansexual socially-broken budding misandrist who wants to be none of those things.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Your friend sounds like a badass.

I don't agree with political lesbianism, because it implies that sexuality is a choice. However, if you never want to be with another man again, nobody should say a word about it. Letting anyone into your life romantically or sexually is a very personal decision and you're allowed to exclude anyone for any reason.

I've always felt a bit out of step gender-wise when I was young because I disliked other people's version of "girlhood" being forced upon me with the expectation that I should be happy and silent about anything I disliked, but being around lots of women who don't need to "feel" or "express" their gender as an identity was incredibly helpful to me. I am a woman. That's a fact whether I look and act like other people's notions of what a woman should look and act like. It's a big weight off my shoulders to realise I don't have to perform womanhood or find an alternate label for myself. I hope you find some peace with this yourself.

It's not misandry to be wary of men or to find social relationships with people you have more in common with more fulfilling. There's a sense of community and support I find with other women that men cannot provide for me.

If you're worried about your friendship you could say something like "hey, sorry for being distant, I'm just going through some personal stuff I'm not ready to talk about."

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

What you've described is the basis of my confusion. Part of me knows I'm not a woman. Like, I just... don't feel like I am. And that's very much detached from my gender expression, even though that's very neutral too. Another part of me says I'm doing women a disservice by overthinking it this much, that women are amazingly diverse and there really is no "box" that says "this is a woman."

But I don't think I am one. I don't know. I can't explain the feeling. The best way I can think to make an analogue of it is like... imagine a person of some part Chinese heritage, whose family has lived in the West for three or more generations, maybe even marrying into non-Chinese families and having mixed children, who maybe then marry into other non-Chinese families and so on. Imagine that this family has near-100% assimilated into Western society, and they don't bother much with Chinese tradition. That person in question-- they know they're part Chinese. There is a part of them that is and there's a history there, but it's not lived history. They don't know the language, they don't know the traditions. They don't feel in any way connected it. Maybe they don't even look Chinese at all. It feels wrong for them to call themselves Chinese.

It's a crude comparison, but that's kind of how my relationship to the idea of womanhood is.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

All radical feminism is about reversing the power dynamic between men and women so that men are the oppressed group. Is that what your friend is trying to do? Does she promote treating men badly while she works for better treatment of women (and not "badly" as in "upsetting them by taking away the privileges that enable them to hurt women and children and get away with it" - but like, badly as in actually trying to remove their basic rights?) or does she just ignore men and focus on women?

If it's the latter, then she should probably be careful and rethink what she calls herself, because that's not radical feminism but she sounds like she's in danger of slipping into it. If she does try to take away men's basic rights, that's terrible and she is not the wonderful badass she seems to be. She and you don't have to like or associate with men, but that's a personal preference and individual right. Trying actively to oppress men is not only cruel if it succeeds, but it would hurt women too. I'd start keeping my distance or, if you're brave, trying to challenge what your friend does about men even if your heart wants to agree with her.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

JFC that's not actually the definition of radical feminism, at all. Look it up.

I don't even identify as a radical feminist, but you are just plain incorrect about what radical feminism, by definition, is.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

No, she doesn't actively try to dismantle men's rights, but she absolutely scoffs at every guy who claims he's oppressed and she's not shy about taking them to school over common "men's rights" talking points. Generally she just puts all her focus on women, though.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think you can call yourself trans-inclusive if you're excluding trans men and non-binary people.

That said, I'm not really going to argue with the ideology of a person who's not actually involved in this conversation. What I am going to say is that you can do amazing things and be an amazing person in many ways, and still have beliefs that are incorrect and wrong in other ways and do things that are hurtful in other ways. And you can be annoyed about that if it's hurtful to you without that erasing the other good things about her, and it still doesn't mean that she's right or that you're "doing it to yourself" or causing it or anything else. Absolutely not.

I'm sorry, I know it's hard, anon, just wanted to say that I'm rooting for you.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

They are... probably not excluding those people if they are indeed female. It's just that male people do not benefit directly from initiatives that provide things like free menstrual products and female-only support spaces.

There are plenty of ways to support all people, but I wouldn't call those things feminist. Feminism is by definition, about women.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Your gender identity and sexual orientation are one thing, and your actions are another thing. You can identify as a pansexual nb and still choose to focus on women and put men (or specifically the kind of men who have hurt you) aside until further notice. I'm not saying you need to do it that way. It's just an option.

Also, sometimes a person just needs space from another person. It doesn't have to be because they've done anything wrong.

TW, discussion of police violence

[(Anonymous)]

I cannot, cannot understand the logic behind "Dismantle the police." People think that if resources are redistributed so nobody "needs" to commit crimes anymore, there will be no crime and no need for police? I think that's bullshit. The existence of our current shithole of a police force and the society that lets it thrive proves that the logic is bullshit. The police don't "need" to murder black people, the mentally disabled, or anyone else they do. They do it because they want to. People like them would be criminals in a police-free society, but who would deal with them?

The logic is that everything would be perfect if people had everything they need has an underlying belief that all people are good and fair. Obviously they aren't. Even if most are, there will always be a few who seize the opportunity to take advantage of the rest of us and put themselves in charge, and we'd be back where we started. I don't understand how protestors of police violence could think a peaceful crime-free society is possible.

Not exactly asking for advice, so this is just venting, but maybe someone can explain it to me?

Re: TW, discussion of police violence

[(Anonymous)]

>People like them would be criminals in a police-free society, but who would deal with them?

Doubtful. Sort of like how most Nazis just went back to normal lives after WWII.

The point of "dismantling" the police is to dissolve their current military state and retrain them towards community servants.

Re: TW, discussion of police violence

[(Anonymous)]

Okay, but the keyword is "most." You said it yourself: "most Nazis." Not all of them, and Nazis still exist today. So even if most police would be better people if they weren't police (although a lot of the people talking about dismantling them also seem to believe they're all inherently bad people and can't unlearn) some of them wouldn't, and would just take over and recruit more decent people so they could have power over everything like they want.

Re: TW, discussion of police violence

[(Anonymous)]

I think you're taking "Dismantle the police" as "no law enforcement ever", which really isn't what people are talking about. What people are saying is that law enforcement has no business being in about 98% of the things that they're called to deal with (i.e. someone in mental health crisis, a homeless person loitering, etc.), and they should have their reach scaled back to a point where they will never be called to those situations again. The absolutely absurd amount of money police currently get would be disseminated to other services that are trained to deal with those particular scenarios both productively and no violently, focusing on getting the person(s) involved help instead of "scaring them straight" or immediately arresting them,funneling them into an abusive, retribution-based prison system that is almost impossible to ever get out of due to the way a prison record legit ruins your life.

Also, it is true that crime rates go down alongside depolicing. Of course it still happens, but not at nearly the rate.

Law enforcement would still exist. But they would be purely for scenes of active person-on-person violence, and even in that case, they would be more heavily trained in deescalation techniques, have bodycams on at all times (to be reviewed by an independent board outside the police system), and have accountability at all times.

Re: TW, discussion of police violence

[(Anonymous)]

When I've heard people talk about it, they mean that the power structure is corrupt and it needs to go. We can't have police that are only held to standards of conduct by other police. It's created a workplace culture where police protect each other instead of protecting and serving the people.

The them vs us divide mentality never have been allowed to happen. When police aren't engaged with their communities they don't understand the frustrations and difficulties they face. When they don't work one on one with young people in early intervention programs, all teenagers are a faceless destructive force in their minds. When they aren't engaged with different cultures and minorities they become "other" instead of individual people. To only see the worst in people every day makes people distrustful and combative. Policing has become so divorced from the community it's supposed to protect that it completely dehumanises the civilian population in the minds of the police. All we are to them are potential murderers, rapists, burglars, and thugs.

Re: TW, discussion of police violence

[(Anonymous)]

The explanations I've seen involve a lot of 'community support' and stuff and I'm like, you do know that the police... are part of the community? That the same racist sexist assholes you're afraid of because they've been given all this power are STILL gonna exist and are STILL gonna be racist sexist assholes even without all that power?
And like... if anyone's ever had to deal with some overzealous HOA, they know that power corrupts, even very small amounts of power, and dickheads are always gonna be dickheads.

IDK. I mostly just like the 'defund the police' people, because fuck no the police do not need as much money as they're getting.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

I think I have a sinus infection. I think. But I'm feeling paranoid right now that it might be COVID. Even though I've done everything right and have been masked and gloved and social distanced every time I've been outside. But I'm still freaking out.

No fever. Just head congestion and pain in my head, ear canals, nose. Weird feeling in back of throat that I assume is either from nasal drip or swollen lymph nodes.

But nothing that seems COVID-specific (nothing respiratory, I can breathe, no coughing, no fever).

But I'm still scared.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Is there testing available in your area?

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[caecilia]

disclaimer - not a medical professional, just someone who gets seasonal allergies and had this same anxiety a couple months ago

do you usually get sinus infections around this time and have you tried taking any allergy medicine (claritin, benadryl, flonase) to make yourself feel better? Can't promise it will work or that it doesn't mean it's not COVID if it does work (because again, not medical professional) but if you continue to be worried see if you can talk to a doctor/get tested. I understand that's hard.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Oh hey, I have this right now, too, and more importantly, I’ve had this before, too. It sucks, but if it was COVID this time I assume I (and you) would not feel the exact same way we feel when we get bad sinus infections. I am taking a 24 hour non-drowsy antihistamine that is not working as well as I’d like, but I’m not going to the doctor for anything short of, idk, accidental amputation right now.

I hope you feel better soon!

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

anecdotally, shortly after lockdown went into effect my roommate was sick with something similar, and at that time our health service was eagerly promoting remote physician consultations while testing was limited - a quick and quality way to get a professional opinion on whether anyone should get tested, with a doctor to sign off "yes test this person" when it counted.

the consulting doc immediately and easily diagnosed a sinus infection and regular home treatment. sure enough it cleared up like a sinus infection do.

if you have access to a virtual visit or online consultation sort of thing, maybe that's a quick way to put your mind at ease? and also get a professional opinion on whether you need to be fast tracked for a test.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Anon, get yourself a pulse oxymeter and check your blood oxygen daily if you're really concerned. Normal for an adult is 75-100 and you can find your baseline (just take it every day for a while and you'll know what's normal for you), so you'll know if it drops really low you should get to a hospital.

The people who get really sick with Covid at least in the respiratory department kinda way were the ones not realizing until it was too late that their lungs were already inflamed.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0117V8Q2O?tag=duckduckgo-ffab-20&linkCode=osi&th=1&psc=1

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321044#measuring-blood-oxygen-levels

As others said, get tested if you can, definitely quarantine for the required time, but I hope this spares you some anxiety. I got one for myself for the same fears. Now that I have it I know if I feel ill, I can use it to monitor myself.

To take your blood oxygen just make sure your nails are clean (no polish) and place it over your pointer finger, press the button, and let it beam the light through your finger to measure it.