[ SECRET POST #2276 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2276 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[The Vikings]


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03.
[Homestuck]


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04.
[Spartacus]


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05.
[Zettai Karen Children, The Unlimited Hyoubu Kyousuke]


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06.
[From Eroica With Love]


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07.
[Naruto]


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08.
[Homestuck]


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09.
[Ava's Demon]


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10.
[Zero Escape]


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11.
[Colin John Rudd]


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12.
[Once Upon a Time]


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13.
[ASOIAF/Game of Thrones]


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14.
[Community]


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15.
[Evangelion]


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16.
[Discworld]


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17.
[FFIV (Rydia)]


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18.
[Teen Wolf/Harry Potter]


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Notes:

Sorry, late day at work.

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 050 secrets from Secret Submission Post #325.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. http://oi49.tinypic.com/110dlad.jpg

[anonymouslyyours]

I can't even make it to the beta-reading stage. Following your logic I subsuck. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Oh god same. I even stopped posting on my journal and participating in fandom D:

[(Anonymous)]

Right there with you. I've dropped out of fests when I've had completed second drafts because I couldn't make it to the beta-reading stage.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, especially since the act of submitting a fic requires virtually NO social interaction, and way far less than having it beta read. I hope this wasn't the sort of fest where somebody was actually expecting anything from you.

[forgottenjester]

Aw, I'm sorry, OP.

I feel your pain

[(Anonymous)]

The fear of failing at any (or every) stage of the process has kept me from even trying to participate in numerous Big Bangs, even though I keep coming up with ideas for them. :(

[unicornherds]

This is how I failed out of college. I'd have all the essays written, I just couldn't bring myself to pass them in, convinced they were awful and the professors would be mentally mocking my pitiful writing.

You don't suck, OP. Anxiety sucks, but you don't.

[(Anonymous)]

You don't suck but you definitely need to get into a counselor or something.

[elaminator]

I'm sorry OP. I hope one day you can overcome this.

[cloud_riven]

Aw no. After the work you put in to write it, and even grabbing a beta, that is pretty disappointing. I know I'm nervous as hell about putting anything under my online handles, so I tend to only post work in anonymous fic memes :(

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry, OP, but you suck. Not because you have social anxiety, but because it was a shitty thing to sign up for a fest when you know that you have a problem like that. It's not your fault that you have a problem, but it is your fault for taking on an obligation and then not fulfilling it. It's dickish towards the person you wrote for (and towards the mod who organized it). There's nothing wrong with having a mental illness, but there is everything wrong with purposefully bringing yourself in a situation where your problem will impact other people negatively. That's not cool.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel you... I recently joined a fest as an artist. I finished the art in like 2 weeks and just never sent it to the artist or the fest. And then I deleted all my accounts because I was afraid of being a flake.

[omens]

Happens. Go easy on yourself? Maybe next year use a sock puppet and try again? Only you and your beta will know. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Okay, look I feel bad for you and anxiety sucks, but if it was a fest that involved a fic exchanged you were a dick... you could have used a sock puppet and no one would have known it was you and the receiver would have got a gift.

Sometimes it's easier to shield ourselves behind our issues instead of trying to work around them and find a creative solution.

(Having said that, it's not a terrible thing to do, just don't do it again but don't feel terribly for it happening now. Some people here are being way too hard, and that must be piling on the bad way you felt already and that's not cool)

Yeah, you do

[(Anonymous)]

What? Work on it or don't, get help or don't, but committing to things you know damn well you can't do is stupid. It's the truth.

[(Anonymous)]

OP, I've had those panic attacks over things like how to respond to hello and I understand exactly what you're talking about. But I hope you realize that beating yourself up and inviting others to do the same isn't actually doing you any good, it's just your insecurity causing a negative feedback loop of I think I'm terrible -> because I'm terrible I can't do things right -> because I can't do things I must be terrible, and that's no way to live. Please talk to someone and try to find what methods will work for you, even if you don't find it right away. But it's incredibly rude and condescending to ask everyone around you to help you punch yourself in the face because you can't cope right now, cut that shit out.

[(Anonymous)]

oh, op.

you can work on it. it's not impossible to -slowly, bit by bit- improve on these things

you're going to have to outsmart yourself (or rather, your anxiety), maybe by breaking down everything in steps (step one, log in, leave the computer, do other stuff, come back, step two, hit compose email, leave, etc., step three, attach file, leave, etc. step four, put in address, THEN HIT SEND E-MAIL AND RUN LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER HA TOO LATE YOU CAN'T UNSEND IT D: C:), or hiding behind a pseudonym to don as a mask so you don't have to feel like "you", or I don't know, you'll find something!

just keep trying, op, and try different ways

make different sorts of goals, like trying different contests each time, or different types of things

maybe try something small, with drabbles?

there are solutions, you just need to find a way to make things that bit less daunting, and make yourself braver! it's not impossible, and you're not a coward or a bad person for failing, even if takes you 1000 times until you get it right, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise, okay? c:

To all saying "just do it and you'll get better"

[(Anonymous)]

Jumping into interaction with social anxiety is like drinking bleach. Okay? You can stand there all day waving the Clorox bottle in our faces and telling us we just need to try it and we'll get used to it, but we will not do it, because we know it will cause us harm. Even if you drink bleach every day, with every meal, we.cannot.do.it. Our bodies cannot handle drinking bleach. Our minds cannot handle being the center of attention.

Stop.

[(Anonymous)]

After all the people giving you a hard time up there, I feel that I have to say: you don't suck. It's okay. And things can get better. It's hard, and it can take a long time, but little by little, things can get better. Look at it this way: you wrote a fic, and you sent it to a beta. That in itself is an accomplishment. Maybe next time you can go a little further.

And shame on all you people piling on to tell them they suck. People flake on these things all the time, usually for no good reason at all - I know I have just because I got lazy and never even bothered to write anything! It's people like me who suck here. How can you sit there telling someone with an actual medical reason for not being able to do it that they suck? Geez.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry that happened to you, OP. It's hard to start something like a fic exchange with high hopes, and then have anxiety prevent you from doing the thing you wanted to.

I want to thank you for sharing, though. I see a lot of people talk about their social anxiety, and how the internet makes it easy for them to have social interaction and make friends. Maybe that's true for some people, but I have all the same anxiety and social awkwardness online that I do in person. So while I'm not happy there's other people with this problem out there, it's helpful to know we're not alone when our anxiety even carries over onto the internet.

[(Anonymous)]

The people in the comments are why I don't have a whole lot of faith in the human race.

Dear people in the comments,
You are assholes.

Dear OP,
I'm so sorry you went through that. I completely get it. There's nothing wrong with you. *HUGS*

[(Anonymous)]

Aw, that sucks. But hey, you made a secret and posted it - go you! Maybe the next time you write something, you'll feel up to posting it. Good luck!

[melissatreglia]

Look at it this way, OP. You got to the beta stage of your fic AND you've posted your secret about your fic you didn't hand in. You've gotten pretty far in spite of your anxiety.

I have horrible anxiety issues too, as well as depression, that have had me in intensive therapy and on medication for the past six months. In August, I was a complete wreck in the hospital. I'm doing much better now, but I still face my anxiety everyday.

(Ironically, the one big social-related anxiety I'm still trying to tackle is PHONE CALLS. Right now, it helps when my mother dials for me and talks to the person first, then hands the phone over to me. And I can't manage leaving messages on voicemail worth a damn... nor can I order delivery from my fave Chinese restaurant. But I'm working on it.)

Even when you pace yourself, you'll still feel the fear. You have to feel the fear and do it anyway. Because once you've faced your fear and accomplished in spite of it, you'll know you can do it again. And again. And again. Keep trying, take it slow, and try to be more gentle on yourself.

Don't think about how far you have to go. Think about how far you've already come. It won't take away the anxiety, but it'll make it a little easier to bear. Also, take comfort in knowing that NOBODY's got it all figured out, and nobody worth your time will judge you for not being perfect.

TL, DR: You got to the beta stage, OP. It's just one small click from there to submitting your fic. You can do it. :)

[fuchsiascreams]

Don't feel bad, OP. :C I have an anxiety disorder as well (though it's not social anxiety), so I know how it feels. It is not a reflection of you as a person.