fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2379 ]

[ SECRET POST #2379 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2379 ⌋

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 046 secrets from Secret Submission Post #340.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Do you like them in fiction? Do you only like them in comedies? Do comedic representations make you uncomfortable? Do they hit too close to home? Do they annoy you?

ngl i can't even relate to stuff about functional families. Every so often a dysfunctional family hits close to home but even then it's sometimes helpful.

when was the last time a functional family even made it into a series/movie/show though? Maybe I just don't read/watch the right things but it seems like dysfunction is the standard now.

(reply from suspended user)

I dislike them because most of them are constantly tearing each other down with little to no positive moments in between, but we're still expected to believe they're very important to each other.

Well that happens in real life too! My father has never said he loves me, my step mother constantly judges my decisions, my mother spends half her life making my life harder, my aunt likes me one moments and hates me the next for no apparent reason, one of my uncles just got a new kid and they did not tell me, but still they are important to me, I would do everything in my power to protect them and I love them all very much.

And I know without a doubt that every member of my family loves and cares about me, and will be there for me no matter what. We just don't show it, so for me it is believable to see families constantly tearing each other down, but still love each other, even if they never say the words. What weirds me out is "normal families" I don't get that family gets along and are supportive constantly and stuff like that, that is more a fairy tale than reality in my world.

We're "supposed to believe" it because it actually DOES happen in real life. A lot.

If your family is so perfect that you can't fathom loving a family and totally not getting along with them at the same time...well, all I can say is lucky you. Quite a few people are only lucky enough to love their families, not lucky enough to both love them and get along with them. And guess what? We still count ourselves far luckier than those who neither love nor get along with their families.

So y'know. Shoes. Walking a mile in other peoples'. Don't dismiss them until you know what it's like.

My family is far from perfect. My family's dysfunction has led to it falling apart, which is why I can't understand why these fictional families would stick together despite making each other miserable.

Re: Dysfunctional families

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-09 02:35 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Dysfunctional families

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-09 02:51 (UTC) - Expand

Uh....That's because IRL, a lot of families who are dysfunctional and constantly fight ARE very important to each other.

IDGI, are you saying stuff that actually happens IRL all the time is not believable in fiction or something?

Yeah, I get that. My family is pretty dysfunctional but we don't constantly fight and tear each other down. Well, we did when all of us kids were kids and teenagers but now that we're all adults we handle things like proper dysfunctional adults: Ignore Deny Pretend Everything is Fine

I actually like them more in drama than in comedy.I think it actually makes it more believable to me.

I was going to say this. In comedies it tends to make me more uncomfortable because they usually try to incorporate the dysfunction into the jokes. At least in a drama they're honest about the effects.

Annoy me. Most of the time I can't understand why they would have anything to do with each other, much less live together. The only dysfunctional family comedy that I liked was Married With Children, and that show was intentionally over-the-top.

Most of the time I can't understand why they would have anything to do with each other, much less live together.

.....

*blinks*

.....

*re-reads*

....um, really? You....you don't understand "why". Really.

You...you DO realize that families don't choose to live together, right? I mean, you DO understand that a family doesn't exactly have the option to all go their separate ways because they don't get along, right? You do get that kids can't just jump up and run away because they fight with their siblings, right? You do understand that parents can't throw their kids out into the night because they misbehave, right? Right?

Right?

Re: Dysfunctional families

blunderbuss - 2013-07-09 02:16 (UTC) - Expand

Excuse me, but I think you might have a teeny bit of a vast fundamental misunderstanding of what a family is.

See, families consist of parents, children, and siblings. By definition, biological families are not chosen. Families are not groups of unattached, self-sufficient, independent, fully-developed individuals who choose to live together. They don't hang out together because they've made a rational decision in their best interests to do so. The entire definition of what separates families from non-families is that families don't choose each other and that kids are kind of dependent on their parents. You are aware of this, I assume?

Re: Dysfunctional families

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-09 01:01 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Dysfunctional families

intrigueing - 2013-07-09 02:11 (UTC) - Expand

(reply from suspended user)

Re: Dysfunctional families

intrigueing - 2013-07-09 02:18 (UTC) - Expand

(reply from suspended user)

Re: Dysfunctional families

blunderbuss - 2013-07-09 02:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Dysfunctional families

intrigueing - 2013-07-09 02:13 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Dysfunctional families

blunderbuss - 2013-07-09 02:23 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Dysfunctional families

intrigueing - 2013-07-09 02:31 (UTC) - Expand

I agree, anon, I agree.

Personally I think the whole "you can't choose your family" crowd (some of whom are commenting above, yippee) either doesn't understand how bad things can get, or is a bit brainwashed, or doesn't understand how wonderful ESCAPE can be.

- Someone who DID choose their family

Same here, anon. Society has the gross idea that you MUST stay with your family, no matter how terrible they may be, because ~family is best~

Shameless US is one of my favourite shows of all time, and it both hits close to home and is awesome!

I have an hard time believing "perfect families" exists, so I guess I prefer it in everything, though I do really love the shows that creates a new family with friends.

"63% of American families are now considered dysfunctional. Know what that means? We're the majority. The normal people are the freaks. When the end of the world comes, normal people are going to lose their minds. 'Oh my god no more McDonald's! The rest of us? We're gonna look around and go, 'Hey! Nobody's watching the Lexus dealership!'"

I think they're largely more interesting in fiction than happy families. And a lot of families are dysfunctional in some way, so. I mean, IRL I know a couple of people who genuinely have a 'happy family' - no divorces, everyone generally gets along - but literally none who've never had any kind of issues.

I can get really into comedic representations, but the way my family deals with its own dysfunction is through black humour, so that's not surprising.

After The Simpsons, Roseanne, and Married: With Children, it's been overdone.

I mean, most families on tv, especially in comedies, are at least a bit "dysfunctional", otherwise nobody would want to watch the show, because it would be pretty boring without any conflict whatsoever going on. I don't want to watch The Waltons after all

I try to stay away from anything family-focused because it's either, "You completely screwed me over and don't give a shit about me but I'll forgive you anyway and care more for you than you deserve because we're related," or, "Look, aren't our manipulative and abusive antics just ~so endearing~? Everything turns out okay in the end because family knows best so it's fine that we continually violate each others' personal rights and boundaries! LOVE US, DAMMIT."

And if it's not either of those, it's because there's some huge traumatic issue like rape or molestation or domestic abuse going on and it's just full of angst and police. I've never seen a representation where the members just simply don't get along and have that shown to be okay. I'm tired of running into shows preaching to me about how loving my family is OMG SO IMPORTANT regardless of the shit they pulled on me.

I think the only dysfunctional family I actually like and enjoy is the Winchesters, and that's mostly because it's set up that they're dysfunctional by virtue of being who they are and doing what they do, and it's still entirely believable that they care about each other in their own ways. Their actions make sense for the characters.

I know how you feel anon. The societial concept that you must always love and forgive your family regardless of how well they treat you is probably one of the most damaging lies that we have. It gets even worse when actual conflict is mislabelled as 'dysfunction', like your legitimate feelings of anger and hate is just normal sibling rivalry that you're supposed to eventually get over.

There are a few 'make-shift family' movies that show that family is supposed to be about love rather than birth, but those are usually referred to as a 'surrogate family' that's an imperfect excuse for a 'real' one.

Re: Dysfunctional families

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-09 02:23 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Dysfunctional families

blunderbuss - 2013-07-09 02:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Dysfunctional families

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-09 02:42 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Dysfunctional families

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-09 02:45 (UTC) - Expand

+9000

(Anonymous) - 2013-07-09 03:38 (UTC) - Expand

I like them fine; they can be funny and endearing and heartbreaking, and of course there isn't a family out there that isn't dysfunctional in some way.

I get annoyed when the ONLY representations of families are those with constant infighting, where the people seem only to be together because they're stuck together. My family has it's share of dysfunction, relatives we avoid and old arguments and pet peeves, but we love each other and ENJOY each other. Like Thanksgiving specials--of course it's a recipe for fights, relatives who don't see each other often being brought together, but from media representation you'd think it was impossible to have a meal where everyone is nice to each other and has a good time.

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