[ SECRET POST #2638 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2638 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 055 secrets from Secret Submission Post #377.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

07. http://i.imgur.com/QZ6Gk6G.jpg?1

[(Anonymous)]

At least you have a conscience about having all that extra money. Some people in your situation would be all "fuck you, I got mine, you're just too lazy/dumb/etc" (i.e. standard poor bashing) when hearing about how badly off some people have it.

Hopefully you're in a position to help someone who genuinely needs it, even if you have to slip cash in their pccket or something.

[(Anonymous)]

Don't feel guilty for a gift you received. It doesn't sound like you're a dick about it. I really wish someone would drop about 6 grand in my lap, enough to get me the rest of the way through school, but I don't begrudge people that do have the money to pay their way. Unless they're big assholes.

[(Anonymous)]

As someone well off, yup. I never talk about it for the same reasons.

It gets pretty awkward when people rage about classist stereotypes then bash people with higher incomes like they're a monolith. Or assume that everyone with money has no idea what it's like to have once been poor. :\

[(Anonymous)]

I have a really hard time understanding how this is a fandom secret. Just because of a vague mention of "friends in fandom"?

[(Anonymous)]

Personally, I really have no problem at all with "rich" people who don't have the same financial troubles some other students have AS LONG as they don't brag about it. There is a middle ground between "I mustn't tell anyone" and "LOL what do I care if you're poor, I'M rich, suckers".

I knew this girl who was from a rich family who kept going "Look at my new LV handbag! It's the third I bought this month but I just couldn't resist" just after one of her friends told her how she wasn't sure how to afford her rent for that month. People like that suck. But being from a wealthy family/getting money from someone isn't any more your fault than coming from a poor family would be.

[(Anonymous)]

So many of my friends in fandom are always like "we hate all capitalist rich people" etc etc. It's so awkward because I don't think they'd like it if they knew my Dad was "up there" in a pretty well known company for several years. We live in a "nice" house, have an SUV, etc. OTOH, the way I look at it, my parents worked hard for their money, they were able to help me through my health issues, and I even had to pay my own way through college. So it's not like I'm being a douchebag about it, or apathetic to the needs of others.

[galerian-ash.livejournal.com]

...Sorry, but I just find this so hard to believe. You're telling me that someone gave your family a bunch of money, and that they in turned gave it to you to invest as you saw fit (and even buy clothes for yourself)? And this was when you hadn't even turned eighteen yet?

Perhaps you're talking about your portion of your money, assuming your family split it up -- but even that I find it farfetched.

[(Anonymous)]

OP, I'm not as well off as you, but I know how you feel. I live in kind of a fancy area, only because my grandpa bought a bunch of property here back when it was waaay cheaper in the 50s. But whenever I tell people where I live, they immediately make assumptions about me and think I must be a rich snob. Needless to say, if people ask where I live I now say a half-truth like "near *this area over*" instead. Even the way my best friend acts about it makes me feel ashamed just for living here. It sucks, none of it is even mine, it all belongs to my parents.

[making_excuses]

As someone who is poor, but have rich friends I know how it is to be on the other side.

So I wouldn't mind finding out my fandom friends have more money than me, nor would I treat you differently, or expect you to give me any money... If you on the other hand treated me differently because I can't afford everything or that I don't spend my money right because if I did I would have more, I would be pissed. But you clearly seem like a person who got lucky and spent the money wisely, and I hope one day that I will be in the same position. Wishing for something that happened to someone else and being happy for that person is not mutually exclusive.

I kinda have the same feeling towards most of the people I know online when it comes to higher education tho, I get state scholarships and loans, I don't pay any substantial tuition and the same is available to everyone in my country. I do feel like an arse when I say I pay 100$ in tuition each semester and hearing people online talk about how they can't afford to pay for higher education is pretty heartbreaking.

[(Anonymous)]

As a well-off F!S'er, it's a bit "damned if you do, damned if you don't" about it all. On one hand, you know just how lucky you are and just how much your friends and companions aren't and so try and do something to help them ease their burden. On the other, you are afraid of being judged or used as a personal ATM with 90% chance of no return. Couple this with "don't worry, you don't have to worry about me", and you got yourself a sticky messy ball of cringe-suck. :(

[(Anonymous)]

my country gives me a cheap loan to study, one half is free, the other one can be payed back without interest- and the student fee is like, 650 euro a year.

so yeah, while I'm sure as hell aint rich, I also don't mention how lucky I am living in a rich social country.

[mekkio]

Wait, there's someone really rich on F!S? Alright, fess up. Who is buying everyone drinks?

[silvereriena]

Well that sucks. It's not like your flaunting your money in their faces. I have friends who come from extreeeemely wealthy families but you wouldn't be able to tell just by looking at them.

[(Anonymous)]

Wow. You're really lucky. College is so expensive. *sigh

[diet_poison]

As someone who is an average college student (including graduating with a fair amount of debt in a few months here), I don't think you should feel guilty at all, honestly.

Also, there are plenty of ways you can invest in helping people without it getting awkward. I don't know that I'd want someone to just give me a bunch of money; I'd feel like I owed them something for a long time and miss out on the satisfaction of having done at least something to earn it. I'm not saying you would think they owed you, but it's a pretty insistent feeling. But you can donate to (well-researched) organizations that help people with financial aid, you can invest your time/money in your community, invest in programs that will help people in the long run, especially help them be able to work and support themselves - that kind of thing.

Live with a generous spirit, minimize your negative impact on people and the earth, never take your money for granted, and don't lose sight of what's important. That's what I'd like to think I'd do, anyway. Money doesn't make you a bad person; it's what you do with it that can help define your character.

Oh, and also, I do not blame you one bit for living alone. As soon as I can afford to do the same I will. xD;

[(Anonymous)]

Sounds like a combination of good luck and prudent financial management (except for the part where you turned into an ATM for others) has basically set you up for life, OP. (Congratulations on the house, btw; if you own it outright, you are definitely several steps ahead of the game.) You shouldn't feel guilty for that, and if your "friends" or your fandom group drops you, well, they weren't really your friends to begin with, now were they?

[(Anonymous)]

Here's a tip -

Your financial situation is absolutely no one's business but yours. There's no reason for you to 'confess to it', like it's a felony record. If your friends talk about how bad off they are financially, you can still be supportive without having been through it yourself.

As for friends treating you like a cash machine...I don't know, I'm the least well off between my best friend and my co-workers, but I'd be mortified if they did anything more than by my lunch on my birthday. I'd cut my tongue out before I asked a friend for money....so yeah. Bad manners on their part, and if it's repeatedly, you might want to rethink why they're your friends.

[(Anonymous)]

What do you do?

Drop any conversation about finances. You mean well, I can see, but 1) your financial situation is NO ONE'S BUSINESS EVER except for the IRS' and 2) in this particular age of ID theft, don't. ever. ask. anyone. their account information. no matter how good your intentions are. Just stop. Stop discussing money with your friends.

But should you ever succeed in loaning any sum to your friends, you should do it with the expectation they will never pay it back. If they do, consider it a blessing, but always keep that in the back of the mind.

tl;dr shut up about the money, period

[(Anonymous)]

It's always a little weird to feel like you can't relate to how your friends are feeling. When I was in college, all of my friends had just graduated. When I got my first job after college, all of my friends were unemployed and scrambling. When I got laid off, all of my friends found jobs. If I had a shit job, my friends had great jobs. If I'm on UI and looking again, all of my friends are over the moon and doing FANTASTICALLY. Money is tight again, and all I hear about is how awesome everything is for my friends--while they also complain about their staggering debt in the same breath.

Sometimes, you want nice things. Sometimes, you want people to not be shitty about money. And sometimes, you wish you could drag everyone down to your level. This is all normal. It's just a little annoying when you can't bond with everyone over your shared misfortunes and feel like you're in it together.

[(Anonymous)]

I am envious of you, OP. I would love to be/have been handed money so that I could have finished my degree instead of having been burned out from trying to work full time and go to school full time. Or so I didn't have to work three jobs (obviously two are part-time) to barely scrape by (I went to bed in the early evening because I couldn't afford to eat dinner and the hunger mostly goes away when I sleep). However, I have well-off fandom friends, and I would never expect them to give me money, nor would I stop associating with them just because they are fortunate enough to have money when I don't.

[(Anonymous)]

As someone who was fairly well off until a "friend" stole all my money and destroyed my credit, I think you're right to be guarded about saying much about your financial situation.

However, if you see one of your friends really suffering there's no harm in paypaling them some cash from an email they won't recognize, assuming of course that they're public enough about the problem that they'll not be able to immediately narrow down the source.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm in kind of a similar position. I started my own company right out of high school and now it's doing well enough that I don't really have to worry about the same shit as people my own age. While my friends are struggling through college or stuck in dead-end jobs, I didn't go to college and skipped straight to 'business owner.'

I don't really bother to hide my financial situation, though. All of my friends understand that there are trade-offs. I wouldn't be friends with them if they weren't mature enough to understand that. I have more money than them, but I work 80+ hours a week and I'm on the road year-round, and I can't go to cons or keep up with TV shows or play the latest games. They have less money, but more stability, and college is an investment that pays off over your entire life.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't see why you should discuss the details of you financial situation with other people.

[(Anonymous)]

OP, where can I send you my account info? LOL!