[ SECRET POST #3226 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3226 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Animal Crossing]


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03.
[Steven Universe]


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04.
[Excess Baggage]


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05.
[Sue Perkins]


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06.
[Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans]


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07.
[Vin Diesel]


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08.
[Hemlock Grove]









Notes:

Sorry about early, have stuff to do!

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 026 secrets from Secret Submission Post #461.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

How would you react if your long term partner said to you that every time you'd had sex in the relationship it felt like rape?

I cant process this. I just don't know how to be after hearing that, y'know?

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

Dunno, maybe I'd ask them why they didn't tell me sooner and probably leave the relationship.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

I'm kinda keeping out of her way for a few days. I think the answer will be "I didn't want to upset you".

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know how to parse your comment.

Are they saying they felt like you were reluctant and they were raping you? Or that they did not want sex but could not express it?

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

Wow. I'd say that it would be the end of that relationship. I certainly wouldn't be able to touch them again, if they find the sex so abhorrent and haven't said anything about it before.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

I would think they're probably the sort of person to make false rape accusations.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

I'd leave them. Though I'd be wary they would accuse you of rape afterwards.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

I'm assuming you're the guy from yesterday? I'm sorry you're in a situation like that. That sucks. If it were me I would probably be really fucking hurt and I think I would have a lot of issues staying in the relationship.

If you haven't already, talk to your partner. Ask why s/he feels that way and why this hasn't come up earlier. I would also consider/talk about your future together.

Again, I'm really sorry you're in a situation like that. Internet hugs offered if wanted.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[caerbannog]

Can you go to a relationship counselor so a third party can help the two of you communicate and clarify why your partner is thinking/feeling this?

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

One clarification I'd want to know.

Did she say "it felt like rape" or does she feel that "[you] are a rapist"? The difference in connotation is huge.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly? I'd be quite scared that they might accuse me of being an actual rapist in the future. "Felt like" rape is a pretty sketchy term to use, and puts the ball completely on their court, it doesn't matter anymore it you thought it was consensual or not if it was not how they "felt".

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

was she sexually abused before?

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, she really wanted that hornet tattoo....

Seriously, that sounds like the sort of thing a younger and crueller me would have said to be vicious, not because it was true.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[ketita]

Oh wow. That's terrible. I'm so sorry.

I have to echo everybody else - this is not a healthy situation from any direction. I know that right now you're probably feeling like you've done something wrong, but this is something you need to clarify from *both* sides. I know you say you love her and don't want to leave her, but being in a relationship where you feel emotionally inferior and are just struggling to make up for this all the time isn't healthy for either of you.
You really, really need to clarify what she means by this.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[herpymcderp]

Can't imagine a scenario where this would happen, to be frank. I'm usually the one in the relationship that waits for the other person to initiate things, and if that doesn't happen I don't push it.

I really can't see how someone would ask me for sex and then later tell me it felt like rape. I'd have a few questions.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

Why the hell is everyone assuming she's crazy? Seriously fucked up people here on F!S.

Statistically it's much more likely that OP is a pressurizing scum-bag who bullies his girlfriend into sex and doesn't even think there's a problem.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[kallanda_lee]

I'd be horrified and feel like shit, but presuming it was (to my knowledge) perfectly consensual sex I would also start worrying about them having major issues they haven't told me about. Because shit, that's messed up.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

you're partners. that means that among other things your sexual comfort is in her hands and her sexual comfort is on yours. regardless of all other factors, you have fucked up. if she felt wrong about what you were doing to her, then the buck starts and stops with you. you need to take some responsibility.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe she's jut not into you any more and doesn't know how to tell you?

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

I think I'd want further clarification on why my partner felt that way, and I'd try to obtain it via calm, civil discussion, but it'd be hard. Until it got resolved, I would absolutely not have any sexual contact with this person for both my good and theirs, because if they're in any way confused about whether or not they consented, then I want no part of that.

But honestly... unless there was a DAMN good explanation for dropping this kind of bomb on what I had in good faith considered consensual sex, it probably spells the end of that longterm relationship. I don't want to be with anyone who has doubts like that about me and our sex life.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

I'd say that's rather harsh, especially if there were no details.

Like, HOW is it rape? Do they feel coerced? Are you rough with them in bed and/or ignore signals they aren't into it? Or do things proceed relatively normally, and for some reason the experience is just awful to them?

If a person feels like they're being raped in every sexual encounter, regardless of how it was, then it sounds like it's more their problem. Possibly a medical one. If it's just that they aren't enjoying the sex with you, then I'd say you're not sexually compatible.

Personally, I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who told me they felt like I was raping them every time we had sex. Even if they don't mean it in a cruel way, it would still be very hurtful to have something so awful implied about me.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

I probably shouldn't have read this thread today. :(

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

Okay, dude, this is not something you can ignore. I get that you are in a "can't compute" phase right now, but this is something you have to do something about.

From what I've gathered from this thread you are unwilling to talk to her or to any third parties, you are not going to break up with her, and you are basically just going to stop having sex with her forever. That is... not a healthy solution.

Considering that you seem to have had an active sex life up to this point, I would assume that you are not asexual (you gf might be, but that's another thing you may want to figure out) Someday you might want to have sex with her again, but if haven't dealt with this issue by then it will most likely grow to something a lot larger (whether that be guilt for 'taking advantage' on your part or trust issues or whatever).

Honestly even if you were able to put off sex forever there would still be this underlying trust issue. That is not healthy!! You seriously need to do something. If you don't want to deal with it face to face right now, write her a note or an email. Do it while it is still fresh. If you don't deal with this there's a good chance your relationship won't ever be okay again, because this is a really serious matter. Better to try to deal with it right off the bat rather than for it to simmer below the surface for ages.

It hurts, dude, I get it. But it is not something you can ignore. Man up and deal with it some way or another.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

there are literally only two options: 1) find a therapist who you can both talk to about this issue and work it out, or 2) end it. since you're saying in the other threads that you don't want to talk about this with anyone, it's not anything but incredibly cruel to continue this relationship with your girlfriend who feels as if she's being raped every time you have sex. chances are it's an issue that's 100% her own, but that doesn't absolve you of the responsibility to address it now that you're aware of it. it's seriously, terribly mean if you just ignore it because you find the issue humiliating. if you aren't going to do anything significant, you need to leave.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not convinced it's a good idea to stay in this relationship* but I see you're determined to hang onto this OP. My advice is therapy, NOW. For her, for you, possibly jointly and no sex until you guys hash this issue out. But frankly, this is messed up as fuck and it can get very, very ugly. You may love this woman, but you're risking a lot to stay with her. Ask yourself if it's worth it. Hint: if she won't get help for this or refuses to explain or discuss it, she isn't.



* "but I love her/him/them" is not nearly as compelling a reason to stay as people seem to think. You can love your partner but still be in an unhealthy, highly dysfunctional relationship. It doesn't mean you ought to stay. Ditto the issue of leaving someone who might be emotionally unstable-- that is not a good reason to stay, either. Ultimately, your partner's emotional well being or sanity CANNOT depend on your presence alone.