[ SECRET POST #2607 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2607 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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12.
[Shaun of the Dead]


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13. http://i.imgur.com/Lnyxfbz.jpg
[link for porny, doujinshi]


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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]
























14. [SPOILERS for DRAMAtical Murder]






















[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

























15. [WARNING for rape]



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16. [WARNING for rape, pedophilia]



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17. [WARNING for molestation]

[Gatchaman Crowds]


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18. [WARNING for dub-con]



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19. [WARNING for molestation]
http://i.imgur.com/tm7SaaX.jpg
[Shingeki no Kyojin, molestation scene? in image]


















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #372.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

...and apparently you guys are the only people I feel cofortable discussing it with. so two problems, really, the first being my obvious lack of friends.

Ok, Background *Double checks anon*. quite a few years ago, my girlfriend started doing modeling work. All was good. She then discovered how much money nude models make and asked me how I'd feel if she started doing that. Obviously it's her body, it's her choice, but as her boyfriend I did not feel super comfortable with it (I don't really know why. Maybe some archaic "I'm the only one who should see you nude" mentality. I dont't know.), well since she asked me how I felt I told her "Your body your choice, but I don't feel super comfortable with it". Upshot of this was a very sweet, very understanding version of "Well that's just tough titties on you, isn't it" and so she went ahead with it. There was some moments of discomfort for both of us at various points, both of us knowing I wasn't really cool with it, but I kept my gob shut and went with it, but I never really became comfortable with it.

A few months back she decided to quit modeling altogether (too many abusive creeps working as photographers). I was, well, delighted. Yes, I'm a selfish dick, sue me. She declaired herself no-longer self employed, and went on the dole while looking for "Proper" (her words) work. She does not love being on the dole. Money is terrible and the job market is worse.

She is at the moment stopping at a friends house, a girl she knew from her modeling. This friend is a lovley girl who I like very much. This friend is also a Webcam girl.

She phones me up today "Hi love, just ringing to say hello... Also I'm thinking about going into webcam work as a domme. What would you think of that?"

Now here is my porblem.

My initial reaction was feeling that "Punch in the gut with a ball of ice" type of dread.

I told her "I'm not sure what I think of that. let me digest it, and I'll see you tomorrow"

That was a bit of a Fib, since I know right now that I'm kinda not cool with it.

But what do I do? Do I keep lying? Do I tell her how I feel, knowing there is the distinct possibility that she'll turn around and say "Tough shit" and I'll have caused more discomfort between us? What about the alternative, where I tell her I'm not cool with it, and she doesn't go ahead with it and winds up resenting me? blaming me for her being broke.

So basically I'm not comfortable with her doing it, I'm not comfortable with telling her I'm not comfortable with her doing it, I'm not comfortable lying about it.

It feels like my job is to find some way to be ok with her doing webcam work, and to just live with it, but that is not so easy.

Am I just being a possessive asshole? I know it's her call, so is my discomfort unwarrented? Irrational? Wrong?

Also, what about her friend? If it get's back to her friend that I'm not cool with my girlfriend doing webcam, will that sound like I think webcam work is beneath her? Like I'm judging her friend? I like her friend, we get on, and I don't want to come off as a judgy asshole.

Is there a way for me to get through this situation without being an asshole, being unhappy, being a liar, or being all of the above?

Re: So I have a problem...

[sarillia]

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable with my girlfriend being a webcam girl either. I think that's a boundary that you are allowed to set when you're in a relationship. So if this is a deal breaker for you then you need to be honest about that and let her make her decision.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

It's not a deal breaker. I love her. I'd still love her regardless of whatever her career is. I'd still want to be in a relationship with her if she killed babies with a claw-hammer for a living.

I'll live with whatever decision she makes, but If I tell her honestly how I'm feeling, then whatever decision she makes will be a problem. Either she does it and we both feel like shit (me because well duh, her because she knows she's doing something that makes me uncomfortable). She doesn't do it, and she feels like shit and resents me for making her live on the dole leading me to feel guilty and like shit. and if I don't tell her how I feel, I still feel like shit.

The only option I can see is to not tell her, and to find some way to be ok with her doing webcam work but I have no idea how to do that.

Re: So I have a problem...

[inkdust]

This. This would be a line for me. It's okay if it's a line for you. Though you'll have to be prepared.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

I would have helped you, had you not did the wall of text in the dust didn't.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

This sounds really unhealthy to me.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

I think openness in a relationship is super important, even if that open dialogue ends up in a split or a bit of uncomfortableness for a spot. I think if you're not happy about an aspect of the relationship - and her job is an aspect - then you should be open about it. Also, while you're right that it's her body her choice, I think it's also important to take into consideration your partners feelings and if her response to your bringing this stuff up is "tough shit" then she seems like kind of an asshole.

Personally, I think there is quite a difference between nude photography and being a webcam girl and I too would be uncomfortable with the latter.

I don't know your mind, so I cant' say if you're being a possessive asshole, but I don't think it's unreasonable to be uncomfortable with this step. I think what you need to think about is if it's a level of uncomfort that you want to end the relationship or if you'd be okay going on even if she continued on this path.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

Have you tried telling her this?

Re: So I have a problem...

[case]

Mind waiting on posting stuff like this until at least it's not the first comment next time, please? Really shouldn't have stuff about nude webcams and abusive photographers (should maybe have warn for that, OP) as the un-collapsible first comment in GC.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

It sounds like you two might not be all that compatible. I can understand where both of you are coming from, but I don't see any easy way to resolve it.

Re: So I have a problem...

[mekkio]

Wait, she quit working as an artist's model because she didn't like the creeps but she going to be a webcam domme? She doesn't think she is going to attract creeps there? It will be even worse. She is setting herself up to fail.

If I were you, I would just be supportive right now because I don't see this lasting at all. Just hold the fort until it implodes. You don't need to get involved. Only be there because, yeah, she is going to fall.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

First off, always be honest. Honesty and communication is important to any relationship, and you won't be any happier if you hide how you feel. Plus, she probably already knows you won't be comfortable with it, if the modeling made you uncomfortable as well. I don't think it's an asshole-ish thing to do--plenty of people would be uncomfortable if their partners were doing nude modeling or porn. Now, obviously there are decent ways of saying how you feel, so as long as you guys can have a proper discussion about it, I definitely think the best thing to do is to explain how you feel to her.

That being said... correct me if I'm wrong, but if she was a cam girl, wouldn't she be alone? In her room or whatever. Maybe it's just my opinion, but I feel like that would be BETTER than the nude modeling--at least if she's working alone, there's less chance of weirdo creeps like the fake photographers. I dunno, maybe that's just me, but I feel like that situation would be better.

(Although, as someone who does non-nude modeling herself, I have to raise an eyebrow at the thought of a sustainable income off just that kind of work. Maybe I'm underestimating the porn industry, but unless you have some kind of contract or get REALLY popular, modeling isn't really the most stable, well-paying industry ever... so it would be kind of silly if she decided not to go through with it and then blamed you for being broke.)

Sorry, I'm sort of rambling. Anyway, my advice would be to stop and think about why, specifically, you feel uncomfortable with it--you say you don't know, but you should probably try and figure it out, to make everything clear. But most definitely tell her how you feel. That's really all you can do.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

I think it might help if the conversation lasts longer than, "Yes, I'm okay with it," or "No, I'm not comfortable with it." This may require you to actually take that time you told her you needed to think about it, but I think it would help you to nail down why you're not comfortable with her doing webcam work, and present her with those feelings.

Her choice to ask you how you felt implies that your opinion matters here; the fact that she's asked your opinion before and then brushed it off when you didn't rubber-stamp the choice she'd already made is a valid concern for you to have, but if you have reasons that you can offer to explain your feelings, that might encourage an actual dialogue and negotiation. She may have felt last time like it was an all-or-nothing situation, where you overruled her or she overruled you, with no chance for understanding or explanation. To try to avert that this time, show her why you're so opposed to her doing this kind of work - so she won't jump to conclusions about how you view her friend, for one thing - and try to negotiate a solution that you can both be content with.

Explaining to her the source of your resistance might dispel any misconceptions she has about your motives, too. If she thought you objected to her nude modeling "because he's a controlling jerk, so the heck with what he thinks," she might be surprised to learn that your real feelings looked more like (for instance), "I connect nudity with emotional intimacy, so it makes me feel insecure when she does nude modeling because I feel like I'm being left behind." She might be willing to dismiss the reasoning she thinks you have, but not the feelings you actually have. Even if that doesn't turn out to be the case, communication is definitely important here.

For the record, you do get credit for not making the mistake of thinking you can forbid anything. It is her body, and she does have the right to do what she wants with it. But the relationship belongs to both of you, and the fact that she's asking how you feel about this implies that she thinks your feelings should matter in some way - maybe not enough to overrule her feelings, but certainly enough not to be completely disregarded without another thought or attempted reassurance.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

Hard to say. The best policy would be telling her how you feel about this, because if you don't, the resentment is just going fester inside you. Maybe she'll take your feelings into account, maybe she won't, but at least you can make your next decision based on that.

Personally I'd call the relationship quits at this point, since we obviously don't share the same values on the subject. Hell, I would have done that when she started modeling nude.

sry OP

[(Anonymous)]

sry OP, but you sound like a whiny push over. If she was very nice and understanding, why are you phrasing it as "Well that's just tough titties on you, isn't it"?

That doesn't mean that you can't set that personal boundary, but if she tries to be understanding, why are you not talking??!

You could get to a compromise or talk more about your feelings, why you feel like this efuckingcetera.

You sound more worried about your reputation. I bet it was awkward between you because you didn't voice your worries.

Re: So I have a problem...

[caerbannog]

Well, this is about you and her so forget about her friends, it doesn't really matter if you sound cool or not with it. I don't see any problems with you being uncomfortable with it and I would hope most of your concern isn't about how others would perceive you in the relationship over this.
If you reckon it's going to put a strain on things I'd suggest having a (calm) sit down to discuss this. You've already taken good steps in saying you want to think about it, maybe use the time to think of a way to phrase how you feel then sit down and talk it out with her - especially if she's going ahead with it, maybe find steps to make it easier on the relationship.

At least by having communication, you can work at it. But to me it sounds like most of your concerns are a) unhappy/not happy about it and b) what other people will think of you.

Hard as it is, fuck anything that falls under b and try and focus on communicating about a and trying to mitigate it if you both agree for her to go ahead with it while you're still dating.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

Be honest with her, full out. I disagree with the people saying things sound unhealthy; it sounds like you two do have a basis of trust and mutual respect for each other's feelings and choices to work off of. The fact that she invites your input even while retaining (rightfully) the final decision over matters like these is a good sign, as is your recognition that your visceral feelings do not give you a right to try and lay down the law for her - and your clarity on whether it would be a dealbreaker for you. Choices come up in relationships all the time that do not necessarily have an "everyone winds up perfectly happy in the end" option on the menu; what's important is that you are both capable of understanding that TWO people's emotions and senses of security (financial and/or emotional) and wellbeing are involved.

So just tell her. Like, that you wanted to take the time to think instead of giving a knee-jerk response, but ultimately there's a discomfort for you that wasn't just gut reaction and isn't going away, and you may not even be able to explain it rationally or legitimately beyond a visceral emotional feeling. BUT that your feelings for HER take priority over your feelings about her means of earning a living, and you appreciate her desire to factor your feelings into her decision, and that as much as you might never feel okay with it - and may struggle with something as common to relationship as sharing details of the day's work with each other - you'll continue to be there for her without judgment of HER if she does it.

I suspect you two are capable of a calm and productive discussion along those lines (or whatever lines are the truth for you). But be DAMN sure of whatever you say and whether you can really keep your visceral dislike of her work reined in and separate from her feelings for her as a person. The biggest dick move would be promising her otherwise and then pulling any kind of judgmental crap later even if just in the heat of an argument or in a bad mood. She asked for your input so give it to her, but be prepared to follow through on whatever it is.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

You should join her in her webcam videos as the sub!

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

beta male detected

Re: So I have a problem...

[herpymcderp]

Well on the one hand, you really don't have a say in this. On the other hand it's not really such a bad thing to have a somewhat averse reaction to this.

For one, if it ever gets out and future employers of the more mainstream variety got wind of it, that just might be the end of her career. Sadly, there's a huge stigma that surrounds this kind of work and it tends to follow you. For another, that business can be abusive, dangerous, and lead to illegal activity at its worst. You're right to be concerned about that, because looking out for her health and safety is a thing you are allowed to do.

But you need to remember that this isn't always the case, and you also need to keep in mind that she is an adult with (hopefully) a rational mind.

At the heart of this, your discomfort probably stems from the knowledge that this isn't a socially acceptable thing. What it says about you personally and your attitudes toward people in that line of work is something you need to figure out, but that's the long and short of it. The bottom line is: if it's what she wants and she fully understands and accepts those consequences, then you really don't have a say in it.

Discuss it with her to make sure she understands what she's doing and knows your feelings on the matter, then leave the decision to her. That is all you can and should do.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

so it sounds to me like you're another manchild that can't understand that the world is not our to cater to what you want for women's bodies.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

Sounds reasonable to me. There's a difference between "not wanting other people to see my girlfriend naked" and "not wanting others to see her in a sexual capacity." But you should totally talk to her about it. It's not healthy for your relationship to hold it in.

Re: So I have a problem...

[insanenoodlyguy]

Maybe...

Re: So I have a problem...

[diet_poison]

I do not think you are selfish for being uncomfortable with this, OP.

Re: So I have a problem...

[(Anonymous)]

I think if I were you, I'd ask her (in a very calm, curious, 100% non-defensive way) why she wants your input. I'd ask her if it would affect her decision, or if she just wants to touch base and see how I feel about it. And then I'd listen very carefully to her answer.

Have to be honest here, OP-- I would be surprised if this relationship lasted the long term. The issue of whether or not you're right to not want your GF to do nude modeling or cam work is separate from the fact that you're not comfortable with it, and it doesn't sound like you will ever be. You're correct that it is her choice, and so long as what she's doing is legal, it isn't your business. (If it were illegal and you're living together, then it would be your business because you'd be directly affected by any criminal repercussions.) But bottom line is, if something she does is a deal breaker for you, then the relationship is over. So is it a deal breaker?

I think so far you're doing the right thing. You're being honest with your GF that you're not comfortable with it, and at the same time you're acknowledging that it is her choice. I'd also add what you said about loving her. Please don't lie. Please don't pressure her to choose between you and the job, and please don't make it into a thing about her not loving you enough to give up the job. Those are all pathways to doom, my friend.

I don't think there's a way to skate through this without someone being unhappy sometime, but it's not an impossible problem to overcome. It WILL take some delicate handling and a lot of understanding and communication, however.

Best of luck to you.