[ SECRET POST #6042 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6042 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #864.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. https://i.imgur.com/TYYImy8.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

Different things affect different people in different ways.

Different things cause different kinds of anxiety in different people for different reasons.

Different people struggle with different tasks on different levels for different reasons.

Just because someone experiences anxiety at the idea of leaving a comment on a fic doesn't mean they experience anxiety at every IRL challenge that presents itself, and unless they say this is the case, there is no reason whatsoever to assume it does.

"Leaving comments on fic makes me anxious" doesn't mean "I am so riddled with anxiety I experience debilitating panic attacks every time I have to make a decision or step outside my front door". It means "leaving comments on fic makes me anxious".

[(Anonymous)]

While I may disagree with the overdiagnosing here, there is something to be said in that leaving comments used to be the base standard form of interaction and now there's like this social A.T. Field most people don't dare to break through. This isn't a callout to people who only leave likes\kudos\etc., I'm just wondering... what the hell happened in the past 15 years?

[(Anonymous)]

"I'm never quite sure what to think about people who..."

You can try this for a start: "Not everyone sees things through my eyes, and not everyone is in the same place as I am, at the same time I am, in various areas. And that's okay."

[(Anonymous)]

Not diagnosed with any sort of disorder here, but I sometimes get irrationally anxious about fairly trivial things. Sometimes it's like it is easier to focus my attention and anxiety on something small. Sometimes it's just something my mind gets caught on.

[(Anonymous)]

Ehhhhhh.

It's not that the anxiety is overwhelming. It's that there's anxiety and it often feels like there isn't enough positive reason to leave a comment such that it's worth overcoming that anxiety. Because often there's other comments that have said anything I wanted to say. And from what authors say, it seems like there's a lot of comments they hate or get no value from.

[(Anonymous)]

Ah, yes. Because your experience is The Only Truth™

People act almost like there are multiple kinds of anxiety disorders and all of them manifest differently depending on the person. But they’re just faking it because they’re too lazy to post comments on fic. You are the only person in all of fandom with an education and a career. Everyone else is lazy and ignorant.

[(Anonymous)]

Dude. It's an anxiety disorder. And it affects everyone differently. Just because you KNOW intellectually that the writer can't tell it was you, specifically, who left that comment, your brain WILL still make the unhappy juice and tell you that they hated everything and think you're trash for even bothering them and you should live in shame. If it could be reasoned out, it wouldn't be a disorder.

[(Anonymous)]

https://achewood.com/2007/02/02/title.html

[(Anonymous)]

The leap of logic there was a bit whoa--whoa calm down bro, that's really not how it is

Having said that, agreed that commenting on fics should be a lot more... low stakes than people (and I am thinking specifically of F!S people here - I don't assume everyone on AO3 is like this, but I guess some are...?) have it be. It should be just a silly message exchange "ohoho I like this thing you did there!" y'know lol.
Of course, sometimes people internalize rudeness because they were rude in the past. I always felt very excited whenever someone commented in my fanworks even if it was an apparently silly comment and always responded enthusiastically so maybe that's why I have zero anxiety. Fanwork is low stakes fun for me, period.
Some people nowadays take fandom too seriously though and I do have an issue with people who act like that (the toxic drama queens and so on)

Oh OP

[(Anonymous)]

All anxiety disorders are different. You absolutely do not understand how anxiety works of you honestly have no idea why commenting gives people anxiety. I'm pretty suspicious if your own anxiety, empathy, imagination, or all of the above.

[(Anonymous)]

1. I have a job that doesn't require me to leave feedback for strangers. Not that hard to find!

2. I do have to do some things that are hard for me, socially, at work. So I save those spoons for work and don't spend them on hobbies.

3. I don't encounter people like you at work.

[(Anonymous)]

I'd been employed full-time in job that involved responding to emails, phone calls, and in-person help requests from strangers for 3 years at the time that I nearly had a panic attack at my own birthday party about the possibility that I might upset people by blowing out the candles wrong.

I then proceeded to actually make it awkward by waiting too long because I was internally freaking out, and someone had to nudge me to do it.

TLDR: as people have said, brain disorders are fucking weird, you don't know what's going to set it off, different for everyone and different for the same person at different times, and Work Mode (or even just 'people are looking at me IRL' mode) is different. for comments, there's no one to nudge me.

I'm 98% anxiety free these days and I make an effort to comment pretty frequently, but I was a lurker for a long time. It was just easier. /shrug

[(Anonymous)]

I think the real problem is that readers are scared of being subjected to online bullying if they leave a comment on the wrong story and it has created a miasma of fear around it. I joined Tumblr in 2008; as of 2023, that was literally 15 years ago. I saw the bullying behavior that went on there and it had a deleterious effect on commenting culture because everyone was scared to be seen liking the wrong kind of media.

Zami being bullied into a mental institution over Steven Universe fanart still fucks me up sometimes.

The problem is that this culture has not gone away and Gen Z is copying Millennials worst tendencies with fandom cops and wrongthink policing. It's not a fake anxiety disorder when internet stalking by cancel squads is a real thing.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm going to copy paste my comment to a similar post, since I feel like it's 100% in topic here

For context, the secret was https://fandomsecrets.dreamwidth.org/2841866.html?thread=1107745802#cmt1107745802

And I was replying to https://fandomsecrets.dreamwidth.org/2841866.html?thread=1107803146#cmt1107803146

****
Not going to invalidate your diagnosis because 1) I don't care and it's not useful to the conversation 2) I'm not your doctor 3) I don't know you, but you know that there are different people out there that can have the same diagnosis as you and completely different triggers, right?

I suffer from anxiety disorder and OCD and back when I tried to comment on fics/fanarts to express my gratitude I spent a minimum of 30 minutes to even write three sentences and then continue to refresh the page to see if the author was responding to me. While imagining all the scenarios where I gravely offended the author and any other person who came across to my comment.

I gave up on commenting years ago because it isn't sustainable to me. I wish I could not care about other people's reaction to my comments online, but I CAN'T. I care about the authors' feelings too much and I guilt trip myself into thinking I've offended them while I'm saying a simple "thank you". I know it's messed up.
F!S is one of the only online spaces I can write on because I'm anon and generally nobody cares that much about what I'm writing, I think.

Meanwhile, IRL I have way less anxiety speaking to strangers (even less than you possibly) because I can see the reactions other people have to what I'm saying right in front of me, thus adjusting my speaking manner and trying to explain myself better. We are all different.
Even if YOU CAN comment to fics with no problem, it doesn't mean that other people can, too.

It should be too hard to understand this and every time we have these types of conversation here on F!S I grow more tired and tired...

****

/copypaste

BTW I want to thank everyone on this thread who is showing me that my feelings are valid. Thank you. You're awesome.

[(Anonymous)]

Bold of you to assume anyone functions in real life.

[(Anonymous)]

See, this is why I'd actually be interested in disabling kudos's on a fanfic. I'd want to see if it would make a difference on the amount of comments I would get if prompted (and if not, readers could continue to lurk without consequences).

[(Anonymous)]

Wow. A lot of people with mental illness here really, really want to stay sick.

[(Anonymous)]

Here's what you think of them: they don't owe the author of a free gift repayment.

Here's what you do next: leave them be. And, if writing comments on every fanfic you read online is so important to you, do it.

Regardless of what your mental illness profile is like, it's not a license to be a jackass, or try to coerce people into doing stuff they don't want to do. Whether you understand their not wanting to do it is really irrelevant to that.

[(Anonymous)]

Someone with social anxiety here.

I have an easy job where I just don't get criticised and there is no animosity towards me, so no arguments. I don't hold conversations that have nothing to do with work, so again, no arguments.
Outside of work I only interact with people if I have to (doctors, cashiers, etc.); I don't have friends. So yeah, it's possible to be that anxious about an anonymous comment. Because there is still the possibility of getting back a comment from a real person that can hurt you.

[(Anonymous)]

For me, it's precisely because it's not a big deal that it's harder. When it comes to actually important things, the threat of being homeless or whatever is enough to force my hand. Even if I fuck up, it probably wont be worse than not doing it and getting fired or failing a class or whatever.

But comments on fic? It's almost impossible to overcome the voice that says Just Don't Do It. It's something that makes me anxious that I actually can avoid, unlike IRL stuff.

[(Anonymous)]

TBH I've thought similarly to OP before. Like, a really strong confusion when reading about how readers don't leave comments on fics because they get anxious about leaving a comment on a fic.

I think due to spending the majority of my fan fic reading experiences in fan forums in the late 2000s-early 2010s, the only real way to engage with the fic/author is to leave a comment.
So leaving comments on a fic can be exciting or not that big of a thing to do. Like, yeah, I really liked this fic so I'm going to say what I liked about this fic and tell the author something encouraging/complimentary.

I missed out on the discourses about comment etiquette. In general, I don't think leaving a negative comment is a good thing. I troll commented some fics over a decade ago and not a proud moment in my life.
However, anyone is allowed to leave any comment they want, but for me, I don't do that anymore and I personally find it distasteful.
Anything outside of that...I think writers are entitled if they are upset that the sort of comments they get aren't what they are expecting. I understand feeling underwhelmed or misunderstood when reading a complimentary comment, but if they tell you, "I liked this" in so many ways, the writer is entitled if they find it a bad thing.

Leaving fandom spaces in the mid-late 2010s, I do like that I can simply press "Kudos/Like" to let an author know I enjoyed a fic without having to write a comment. It's good for times when I don't have the energy to leave a comment.

I think...it's fair for writers to vent about lack of engagement, because that is something that does effect our confidence/productivity. It's part of the process of being an artist.
But writers should be mindful of the amount of time they do this. Is it venting or ruminating? Venting is to release some stress/anxiety. Ruminate is dwelling on something you can't control.

As for readers, I think it's OK if a reader is someone who doesn't leave comments, but as a writer, I do hope readers will leave a comment on a fic they liked, no matter how much or how little.

[(Anonymous)]

I think there's an encouraging bit to this secret: So what if the author doesn't like that specific comment? It doesn't reflect back on you in the slightest.

I'm sure some of the anxiety comes from the commenter thinking they did something wrong. And it's true that some phrasing can be seen as callous, sarcastic, hollow, etc., And you don't want to come off the wrong way. But at a certain point, it's not your decision how the author reacts. You need to move on.

I do think people have had bad experiences with leaving comments in the past. Or they've seen someone else's experience, and don't want to end up in the same situation. Even small interactions get built into your psyche. Over time, it adds up. I don't really think a social impact is less than an academic/professional one, like the secret implies.

Basically, I think people should be kinder to themselves.

[(Anonymous)]

Personally I do leave comments, and I don't find it that anxiety provoking. However, it seems clear to me that there are many reasons commenting on a fic might make someone anxious in a way that other things don't. One of the first ones that springs to mind is that commenting on a fic is something you're doing voluntarily. You've taken it upon yourself to comment. Even if the author has asked for feedback, they haven't asked you, specifically, for feedback. So if your comment is dumb, or cringe, or it annoys the author somehow, it feels bad in a different way.

If you flub a work or school contribution, it's like, "I was just doing what I was told, okay; I never said I was good at [thing]." So while it can obviously have more serious ramifications if you flub work stuff or school stuff, the emotional impact is different.

For me the difference is basically stress vs. cringe. The thought of being "That annoying weirdo" in someone's comment section provokes an intense cringe feeling. Which personally I find more bearable than strong stress feelings, but that's just me. Someone with intense social anxiety may find the fear of that cringe feeling almost insurmountable.

Also, IDK how it is for people with various other conditions, but for many people with ADHD, once you post a comment on a fic, you basically can't stop thinking about it until the author replies. So if posting it makes you anxious, you're basically signing on to be anxious for days, until the author replies. If the author never replies, then eventually the thought of it will get pushed so far into the back of your mind that it becomes nearly irrelevant. But that's going to take a while. And when your CPU is already maxed out with running fifty-six other totally useless fret programs in the background, opening a fifty-seventh one isn't necessarily the kind of thing you do just for fun.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree. These people are lazy and taking advantage of fandom culture. Leave comments on good fic or the fic goes away. Not that hard.