[ SECRET POST #2008 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2008 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 088 secrets from Secret Submission Post #287.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

okay, you're all saying to do what feels right and follow my heart and stuff... but wouldn't that potentially lead to the annoying teenager-who-thinks-they're-in-love trope that you all seem to loathe? I'm sorry, I'm really not trying to be difficult and I'm not being deliberately obtuse, I just really want to understand.

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

There's nothing to ~understand~. If you're prone to act annoying about it, you probably will. If you aren't, you won't. And stop giving fucks about what tropes other people like or not.

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

okay. I think it's a little odd to go online and rant about a behavior and then get annoyed when people try to change that behavior, but I'm bad at understanding these things anyway.

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

People will bitch about anything. Let them.

Re: Same Anon

[anonymouslyyours]

I think the annoyance comes from overbearingly smug teenagers who are all "I know everything about everything and I do what I want" and doesn't acknowledge a family member or friend's legitimate concern about their relationship because they're so in love. You definitely don't seem to have that problem.

And now I realize you probably meant the trope of this secret. That's more a frustration at poor writing. Most high school couples don't end up together forever and when they do it's usually a lot more choppy and it's boring to see them continually portrayed as having no relationship problems and just coasting to a happy ending.

Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

ah, okay. I see what you mean. I just worry a lot about being an annoying, stereotypical teenager a lot. Like, a LOT. And I have a lot of traits that do fit a lot of teenager stereotypes; like I'm sad most of the time. And I know I don't really have any real problems and I should be happy, but some days I just can't, and I feel like I bug the shit out of my parents with this. Also, I'm not very good at expressing myself so the sentence "nobody understands me" crosses my mind a lot, which sounds awful and teenager-ish and stuff. And then the fact that I'm being so judgeably teenagery just makes me more sad, and so on and so forth.

But yeah, I see the difference between being annoyed at the actual behavior and being annoyed because it's bad/unrealistic writing. I think for a lot of the examples people talk about, though, it's mostly because they're not primarily a romance series and so if they're going to take the easy way out with something, it might as well be the romantic subplot and not the central plot? They make it relatively smooth sailing on the romance front to put all the drama on the defeating the bad guy/completing the quest/finding the lost treasure plot. Doesn't make it less annoying, of course (and I think that if people are going to half-ass a romance subplot to the point where it's not even entertaining, they might as well just leave it out.), but I'd assume that's why it's so prevalent.

Re: Same Anon

[anonymouslyyours]

Hate to break it to you but I'm not sure that's just teenager feelings. I think you just gain experience and learn how to cope and behave but those feelings don't go away. It makes me so unhappy when people talk about how mature and responsible I am because I still feel like such a child. I keep waiting to be suddenly conferred with adulthood but really I just seem to be good at faking my maturity so far. I'm pretty sure everyone feels a little teenagerish some days. Though I am all of twenty-one years so what do I know?

My issue with the writing is because it just reinforces all those annoying teenager tropes and sometimes encourages extreme behavior in young couples to "prove" their love for each other.

/While you might just be hormonal and everything does feel worse when it's happening to you and you are still a teenager and relatively inexperienced at coping with emotion I just want to make sure you're not suffering from depression? Some of the things you said in your first paragraph worried me a little.

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

idk, I feel like if I tried to talk to anyone about being depressed it would just be "oh, stop whining, everyone nowadays thinks they have some problem or disorder, suck it up, you're just blaming your bitchiness on it, blah blah blah".... I don't really know what to do. I've always just sort of felt like that? Like, the whole "is a zebra black with white stripes or white with black stripes" thing- I realized the other day that I'm sad with happy moments. I'll be happy when something good happens, but overall I'm not happy with my life at all and I can't ever remember being happy in general. I just don't want to be whiny about it, I guess. And as for whether or not they go away, you'd know better than me, of course. I've just always seen the whole "no one understands me" feeling associated with teenagers as one of the many annoying things we do. I just feel guilty when people complain about teenagers and our moodiness because I know I do that stuff a lot.

Re: Same Anon

[nyxelestia]

The thing is fiction is an escape, but some people can't escape if there isn't a bridge to reality for them to cross. I generally don't have a problem with unrealistic romances because a.) most of the time I don't really give a fuck about romance anyway and b.) I can step back and say, "it's fiction, why worry?". Also, a LOT of things in fiction bug me besides unrealistic romances, so it's not that much of a bother in the grand scheme of things for me.

And when it is - well, that's why there's fanfiction. :D

Not to mention that sometimes there are things you enjoy in fiction because it's not really applicable in your real life. i.e. I often enjoy possessiveness in romances in fiction, in spite of (and maybe partly because of) how much I hate possessiveness in my girl- and boyfriends in real life. I am not really a big fan of those "perfect" romances, but I know a lot of people are, often for the sole reason being because they don't often happen in real life, even though we really, really want them to.

I know what you mean about worrying about fitting to youthful stereotypes. I worried about the same thing. I still worry, sometimes, as I'm only 19, that I will portray rather negative stereotypes about college kids my age. Irony: most older people mistake me for being much older than I am in situations where I'm talking with them but my youthful appearances aren't obvious, and some people my age chide me for being "too old". (Apparently, choosing my course of college studies based on on a combination of skills, interests, and job prospects instead of just "following my heart" makes me old. It takes a LOT of self control to not shake all these people and ask them how the fuck they expect to feed themselves and keep a roof over their heads once they're done with college and their parents can't or won't support them any longer, if they do at all right now.)

As some people have said, there really is no winning when it comes to being a teenager. There are ancient Egyptian inscriptions of adults complaining about teenagers, so this really isn't a new problem. Certainly, rewording your issues does wonders (change "nobody understands me" to "I have trouble making people understand me" - double whammy of focusing in on the problem and being less woe-is-me-centric). But ultimately, it's best to just go about doing whatever and not worrying too much what other people think about you. People are going to think things no matter what you do, so you might as well do what you want and be done with it. Most of the time, however bad scathing looks and comments and judgments feel at the time, you'll forget them soon enough - and if you're willing to take a step back while in the moment, a lot of them are funny, too! (A lot of people are quick to shell out compassion and sympathy when I mention I had four separate pregnancy rumors spread about me in high school during my freshman year, but I actually found all of them quite funny, and in one case even screwed around with the rumor monger for my own amusement).

Haters gonna hate. Move on, and eventually they will, too.

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

to be honest (and I don't mean this in a hostile way) it sort of just looks like you're looking for ways to be able to judge people without having to feel bad about negative ramifications. You seem to be pretty judgmental about people who choose college majors your don't deem "practical", and while I understand the rewording thing, that's just sort of being politically correct and tiptoeing around an issue to avoid offending people who have no problem offending me. You can't advocate the "haters' gon hate, don't give a fuck" attitude while also advocating the "be super polite and humble and bend over backwards to please people" attitude, it's contradictory. You seem to be of the former attitude yourself, judging by what you said about having pregnancy rumors spread about you, so it's a bit transparent here that your plan is to make everyone else very sensitive of how they come off, while you remain non-fuck giving and a bit judgmental to boot. If you can handle rumors being spread about you, cool. Not everyone has the same personality as you, not everyone has had the kind of life you have, and bragging about your toughness seems laughably macho to me. There's nothing wrong with your personality, but I'm more sensitive, and I think that's wonderful- my gentleness and sensitivity, for example, makes me the person my friends come to with problems and someone who can always be counted on to try to empathize and understand. There's very little that will ever be funny to me about my father spitting on me, calling me worthless and threatening to kick me out, and I doubt there ever willl be.

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

Feeling sad at around 16 (this is the age you mentioned, right?) is normal sometimes. It really changes from person from person, but it's not uncommon for teenagers to go through periods where they feel sad for apparently no reason. I've read that it's part of the "hormones changing" thing.

However, I do recommend that you keep an eye on this. If the sadness doesn't go away, you might be dealing with actual depression, which can be caused by anything ranging from not having enough of certain nutrients (like, Lithium, for example. Have a shortage of that, and depression happens. Eat dates [the fruit], if you're not allergic to counter that), to a chemical imbalance in your brain, to an actual tragedy, to I-don't-even-know-what-else.

As for the "not wanting to act like an obnoxious teenager" part; the fact that you're conscious of your own behavior is already a good sign.

In general, things that people find annoying is the "I know what's best for everyone" attitude that people above mentioned; the "I've got life figured out" attitude, acting as if you're better or superior than everyone else (this one is actually very hard to spot on yourself), anything that reeks of arrogance or thinking of yourself as the only person that matters.

If you often (mostly) talk about any topic in relation to how it is affecting you and your life, that's the kind of thing that people find annoying.

Mostly watch out for that; it's hard not to view the world around you in terms of how it affects you because, you know, survival instincts; and also cooping up your emotions and never sharing your worries can be unhealthy, but mostly watch out for who you are venting to.

It's probably best to focus those rants on your friends, who are presumably around your age? and who won't think badly of you for being like that, and avoid ranting at older people or where older people will hear you, who will most likely be all "oh, you're just a teenager, you don't know anything about the world yet...".

TL;DR: It's impossible to please everyone. Your body is kind of acting against you at this age where it comes to self-awareness and self-restraint. Just be aware of where and to whom you're ranting or complaining or sharing advice and opinions and you'll be fine. Experience will come to you the more you actually go and see of the world. Date people you like. Learn about romance. But only if that's what you want. Don't feel like you have or don't have to.

Also, I feel awkward saying this, but if you have sex, use a condom! And go slowly. Take your time with foreplay and so on. And don't be in a hurry to have sex if you don't want to and oh god what am I your local TV show after-school special or what :V

Re: Same Anon

[fadeinthewash]

I just worry a lot about being an annoying, stereotypical teenager a lot.

Maybe it was just the kind of people I hung out with in high school, but per my experience, that's part of being a typical teenager, too. =D

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

Oh dear goodness, anon, I know exactly how you feel. I spent a good part of my teenaged years being obnoxious and horrible, and then (ridiculously, thanks to a movie) I realised just how awful I'd been, and how I was going to end up if I kept along my path.

It's painful, I know it is, to look in the mirror and say to yourself, "Stop that. You're being ridiculous. No one cares, and you won't care in the morning, so go get some sleep instead of making a whiny livejournal post and you'll be fine." It's painful to stop yourself in moments of glorious self-pity and tell yourself off for feeling down, when people in the world (and even people around you!) have it so much worse than you do. It's painful to stop yourself in moments of joy and wonder if you're irritating others and whether you should tone it down.

It's great that you've realised you have tendencies to act in ways which might annoy people. You know what to watch for, and how to moderate your behaviour in public or around people you don't know well. With age and maturity, it'll become second nature, and you'll be able to interact with people easily without it having to be a constant mental battle against yourself.

But when you start to police your own emotions, that's when this practice starts to hurt you. It might take you a while to really understand and believe this and take it to heart, but you have every right to feel the way you feel, even if it's a cliche feeling for the situation, or the reasons for it are stupid. Your feelings (especially the feelings of sadness you mentioned) are real, and valid, and you don't have to dismiss them just because it's a stereotypical teenager thing to be sad. I don't know anything about your situation, but I do know that your hormones are doing wacky things right now, and that alone is a damn good reason to be sad. And you don't even need a good reason to be sad! I know I didn't.

Keeping a journal might help, but only if you can get past those mental blocks you've got set up right now that say "I need to be not-annoying to everyone" and write only for an audience of you. Keeping a journal will also help you see what progress you've made, or keep track of whether things are getting worse. And I feel the need to mention that clinical depression is a real illness, just as much as diabetes or a broken leg, and it often manifests during or around puberty. It's not 'stereotypical' or 'annoying' to get it as a teenager.

If you think your sadness has gone beyond what you can handle, please do talk to someone! I hope you have a good friend or an adult you can trust and rely on, but if you don't, there are resources like school counsellors, Kid's Help Phone, or even f!s. You don't have to shoulder it all alone. Being mature doesn't mean being able to carry the weight of the world. It also means recognising when you need someone to take some of the load for you.

Just remember that, even if there are people out there who wish you'd shut up and go away, there are also people who care about you and want only the best for you. Even some complete strangers. <3

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

The thing is, there's a difference between portraying teenager-who-thinks-they're-in-love as True Love That Lasts Forever and Ever, and just teenagers being teenagers and honestly thinking it'll last forever and then realizing no, most people grow out of that and teen romances are just that - teen romances.

I think the problem people have with the trope is not teenagers being in love, but works portraying that as True Love and an Endgame. Make sense? It's late here and I ramble.

Re: Same Anon

[rhosyn_du]

Finding something annoying in fiction is not the same thing as thinking it's bad for real people to do it. Most teenagers are going to think they're zomg-in-love-forever-and-ever at least once. And you know what? That's okay. Like overactive sebaceous glands and a nearly insatiable appetite, it's one of those really common teenage things.

And the reason that a lot of people find it annoying in fiction is not that the teenage characters believe they will be together forever, but that the narrative also indicates that they actually will be together forever. The problem (for me, at least) is that ficional narratives set up these unrealistic expectations about everyone finding their soulmate at 16, which is both frustrating as an adult reader (because I have a hard time suspending my disbelief and it throws me out of the story) and as someone who has seen how seriously taking that message to heart can fuck up some young adults' expectations about love, romance, and relationships.

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

I'm the anon from right above you, and just want to say thank you. You've said what I was trying to much more coherently than I managed. I really should just go to sleep rather than spew incoherent replies, but eh.

Re: Same Anon

[anonymouslyyours]

+1

Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

Ahh, okay. I wasn't thinking about it that way but the way you explain it makes a lot of sense. Thank you!

Re: Same Anon

[rhosyn_du]

You are quite welcome. :)

Re: Same Anon

[unicornherds]

The sad truth is people are going to judge you harshly no matter which way you go. Not everyone, but people. Girls are either sluts or virgins and neither is good. You're either hysterical/overly emotional or a cold bitch. So really what you should focus on is learning to not give a fuck about some people and cherish the support of others and find out what exactly you care about and believe.

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

Don't give a shit what people on the Internet think and I think it's as unhealthy to go into every relationship with the believe it's gonna last forever and you'll be perfect as it is to be in love but be sure beforehand that you're not gonna last anyway.

If you'll last, you'll last if not, you won't. You can't predict the future so you shouldn't worry about it and just go for it.

But be sure to tell the guy the truth about what you (don't) feel for him, stringing someone along is not nice.

Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

"Don't give a shit what people on the Internet think and I think it's as unhealthy to go into every relationship with the believe it's gonna last forever and you'll be perfect as it is to be in love but be sure beforehand that you're not gonna last anyway."- so if they're both bad, which one should I do?

New Anon

[(Anonymous)]

Go into a relationship with eyes open. Love passionately like your heart's never going to break, "dance like nobody's watching", but in the back of your mind, in the rational corner, know chances are your heart will break. So what, you've got to live. Don't get hitched or pregnant or tattooed matching prematurely if you can help it though, because of the little rational voice. But love isn't rational, so have at it.

As for people's opinions... eh, yeah, if you're really unsure of yourself, you can't just completely ignore people's feedback about yourself, until you get some self-confidence and knowledge of how others see you. But I guess filtering the opinions is the key, and learning what opinions works for/with you, and what doesn't. It's not easy.

Re: Same Anon

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, but you *are* a teenager. You're allowed to feel what you feel and think what you think, and that's fine. The whole point of dating is that you don't know how it'll end or not-end.

It's not annoying for you specifically to be more in love/obsessed with the person you're dating than anyone ever before - it's part of growing up and you figuring out who you are. It's not even annoying for fictional teenagers to think that their relationships are going to last forever.

It's annoying when all the teenage relationships do work out and they all live happily ever after, because that's a little weird and though some people do stay with the same person forever, most people don't. It's not you/the characters that are annoying at all, just the author, because at 40-odd year old single parent with a divorce behind you, pairing up all your characters and keeping them in the same relationship as they were in at 17 seems like wild wish fulfilment.