fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2044 ]

[ SECRET POST #2044 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2044 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Yamato nadeshiko Shichi Henge/Perfect Girl Evolution]

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03.

[Suits]

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04.

[A Song of Ice and Fire]

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05.

[Yamato nadeshiko Shichi Henge]

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06.

[Sherlock BBC]

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07.

[Homestuck]

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08.

[Sherlock]

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09.

[Stargate Atlantis]

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10.

[Cyborg 009]

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11.

[The Amazing Spiderman]

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12.

[Stargate Universe]

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13.

[Avatar: the Last Airbender]

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14.

[Bunheads/Game of Thrones]

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15.

[thesyndicateproject (youtube)]

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16.

[Codex Alera]

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17.

[Wishbone]

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18.

[The Game OverThinker]

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19.

[K-ON!]

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20.

[Magical Diary]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 063 secrets from Secret Submission Post #292.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My boyfriend of some time now (Three years) has been acting pretty badly for most of this year. He of course denies my allegation and says I'm blowing this out of proportion and that he's not doing anything wrong. Oh, and that these problems are partly caused by me...but I'll get into that.

So far he has...I don't want to call it 'slut shaming' because I don't want to use the term incorrectly, but..He broke up with me after a long stint (A month) of being very insulting to me. Screaming at me for taking someone else's advise for a game we (used) to play together. Saying I didn't love him because of it. And just fighting with me about not doing what he told me to do, or listening to him enough. After which he'd ignore me for long stretches of time, almost daily. I was pretty upset, and decided to try a different relationship with a mutual friend. (This didn't last long) He threatened to kill himself if I didn't come back to him, going step by step in emails about how many pills he was taking, and how it was all on me. That he had nothing left without me.

When the relationship fell through, I went back with him. Things were okay for a week or so, but then he started getting really bitter. Telling me how insecure I made him, and how could I do anything sexual with someone I had only been seeing for a few weeks. Whenever he brought this up, he would talk negatively about it...(I don't care you made him cum. Yeah, you just got him off the first day. You enjoyed getting him off more than me. How could you do that with him, how degrading. Etetc) I brought up the term 'slut shaming' to him, and he said he couldn't possibly be doing it because 1)he didn't know what it was and 2)he never used the word 'slut', etc. (If I'm using it incorrectly, I apologize)

It's been four months now, and he still brings up this very brief relationship I had. How it made him insecure, how I liked 'fucking' him more, how I'd rather be getting off the ex instead of him, how I 'messed him up', and so on. He yells sometimes, or goes back to talking about me being so ~sexual~ with the Ex (I wasn't -that- sexual, but he refuses to listen...)

So, am I just over-reacting? Is this my fault? I guess I could see how it could be...I don't know what to do at this point. He always promises to never bring up the Ex/try to get over his insecurity, but that calm never lasts long. Especially if I don't do something sexual for him (Feeling uncomfortable or in pain, or something like that. He'll bring up the Ex and says I'd do something for the Ex, but now him. So in the end I give up and get him off...afterwards he goes back to playing whatever game he's playing at the moment. :/)

/End whiny rant.

uh, I'm no expert but this definitely sounds abusive to me. This seems like a relationship you should get out of and fast.

You don't deserve to have to put up with any of that.

No, this is fucked up and emotionally manipulative and abusive. I would have said it was after the second paragraph, but then it just got worse. You are definitely not over reacting and I say get the hell out of that relationship asap.

That is massively immature behaviour, and the manipulative fake suicide thing is an obviously abusive grab for control. And all because of a game? I'd hate to find out how he responded to serious life problems.

If he's giving you shit about you ever having a sex life that did not revolve around him - doesn't matter what it's called, this guy has massive control issues and needs to grow the fuck up and accept that he doesn't own you and you're not responsible for his sense of security. Leave, now, and never come back. Or at least, tell him you WILL leave if he can't stop bringing him up.

He seriously sounds like an unsafe person to be around, long-term. Someone linked this on a thread about abuse a week or so ago: please read it.

Run away. Run away now, run away fast, do not look back, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Re: Is this emotionally abusive, or am I just over-reacting? TMI Btw

(Anonymous) - 2012-08-08 00:30 (UTC) - Expand

Holy shit, yes, emotionally abusive. I did that "threaten suicide" thing on an exboyfriend as a teen and I REALLY regret it, it's the most abusive, shitty thing I could've done to him. He sounds like a control freak. He might get better--I did!--but he won't if you stick around and let him control you. You've gotta get out of there.

You have got to know this guy's a douchebag. Leave now, don't look back.

I'm in no way an expert in this, but it sounds like abuse to me. Just the fact that he's guilting you into doing sexual things when you aren't interested is a HUGE red flag to me.

Yep. You're not overreacting, he's being controlling and abusive. And lol, he thinks that he's not slut-shaming because he doesn't know what it is? Worst excuse ever.

Dump him. And if he threatens suicide over this again, either report him to someone who can get him committed, or realize that he's just doing it to control you and isn't serious, and even if he did to through with it, that's not your fault in the slightest.

My Danger! Danger! siren was going off at "saying [you] didn't love him because of it." The alarms only got louder from then on out.

He's upset when you take advice from other people rather than him. He yells at you for not doing what he says. He uses "Don't you love me?" as a threat. He threatened to kill himself if you didn't return to him, and said it would be your fault if he did it. He criticizes you for getting into a relationship with someone else after you broke up. He blames you for his issues. He pressures you into sexual activity.

You do realize that this could be taken straight from a list of signs of emotional abuse, right?

He's bad, bad news. If I were you, I'd turn around, walk away, and not look back.

'He threatened to kill himself if I didn't come back to him, going step by step in emails about how many pills he was taking, and how it was all on me.'

That's hideous emotional blackmail right there. I'd say that from that point on you're perfectly justified in leaving and never looking back. All the following stuff? Yeah, time to call it quits. Sorry, anon. :(

It's definitely emotional abuse if you ask me. Relationships are supposed to make you happy. Of course there are rocky parts but the way it seems here this relationship is one whole giant train wreck.

Get out of the relationship as fast as you can. I'm pretty sure if he can he will drag you down with him. This is not healthy and you're obviously not happy.

Also please keep us posted so we know you're okay *gives you giant internet hugs*

That's creepy as fuck and totally unacceptable. You are not over-reacting. You might actually be under-reacting. No one that passive-aggressive and insecure is going to be a good partner for you.

If your bf on any kind of medication? Specifically for mood disorders?

OP

(Anonymous) - 2012-08-08 00:30 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2012-08-08 00:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2012-08-08 00:39 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2012-08-08 00:45 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

cashay - 2012-08-08 01:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2012-08-08 01:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

diet_poison - 2012-08-08 01:45 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

thene - 2012-08-08 00:37 (UTC) - Expand

Leave. Leave now. Do not pass GO and collect $200.00. When he started trying to get you back by saying he was going to commit suicide, all your warning bells should've gone off.

Get out of this relationship, do not take him back. Things will only get progressively worse, and you do not want to be involved in that, no matter how much he pleads and begs.

ohhhhh my gosh. YES, THAT IS EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. You should leave. Seconding what everyone has said so far, etc.

The suicide-threatening part is especially revolting. If he tries it again, you can see if you can get him committed (like someone suggested), and if you are worried about him in general (even now) you can tell someone who cares about him - someone in his family, etc. But he isn't your responsibility, and sounds like he's sucking the life out of you. You deserve so much better.

Good luck, anon.

I brought up the term 'slut shaming' to him, [...] 2)he never used the word 'slut', etc.

It's not about a specific word. If someone insults you for being "too sexual", or sexual in ways they don't approve of, that's "slut shaming". And yes, that IS what he's doing to you.

"The Slut Shamer", with laci green.

dump the fucker, he's a textbook case. kick him in the balls for me too will ya

No. You are not overreacting. Get out right fucking now and don't look back.

IF you want an answer, with no sugar: Yes, this is abusive behavior, and yes, I think you should get out.

But if you don't: Even if it's not, what does it matter what someone labels it? Your boyfriend is saying cruel things to you and, when you reveal that you are hurt, saying you're overreacting. Is that the kind of relationship you want? In good relationships, if you say "that is really upsetting me and I'm not okay with it" the other person will respect you. If it's something they can't stop doing, they'll be honest and you'll break up... which is sad, yeah, but it's respectful.

Someone who responds to "I really need you to stop that, it's not okay with me" with "You have a problem, then" does not deserve to be dating.

You're definitely not overreacting, you're not whining, and nothing he's doing is okay. Please get out of this situation. Hugs if you want them, OP.

Echoing everyone else. He's basically trying to guilt-trip you and manipulate you; that's not healthy.

I have to ask, what are you getting out of being with him? If the cons out-weight the pros, you should get out of the relationship, fast. If you still intend to be with him, there need to be some serious changes, because the relationship the two of you have rn sounds pretty fucked up.

Okay. Let's count this off:

1. Before he broke up with you, he was insulting you and screaming at you for not agreeing with him on something, and he was upset because you weren't allowing him to control you (because that's what, "you aren't doing what I tell you to" is).

2. He broke up with you. He initiated the fucking break. But in the back of his mind, he clearly expected you to not be with anyone else during the time in which you were broken up. Despite the fact that he dumped you. So, he still saw you as being "his" even though he'd cast you off.

3. He used the threat of suicide to manipulate you into getting back together with him.

4. He makes you feel guilty about being with someone else during a time when you weren't with him. Even though it's HIS OWN FUCKING FAULT that you weren't with him.

Honestly, from this brief bit? I'd say it's pretty clear that this guy thinks that you're his property. He's the only dude who gets to love you and the only dude who gets to have any physical intimacy with you and you had better do what he says, or, despite the fact that he LOVES YOU SO MUCH and the thought of you being with other guys makes him SO INSECURE, he will punish you by hurting you, up to and including leaving you (but if he leaves you, you had damn well better not think about dating anyone else, because you're still his).

Get out. Get out NOW. It's not that bad now, but these things have a terrible tendency to escalate. And the thing about abusers is that they constantly tell themselves that they are not abusers, because "I didn't do this thing to her." And this thing changes depending on how far the abuser's gone.

Get away, get away, get away.

Also, get away.

This sounds like you were reading my diary freshman year of college. I was dating a guy, and things were great until he became more and more controlling--specifically of my sexuality and of whether I could drink or whatever. I got fed up with him and cheated on him with a mutual friend (who's been my husband for 11 years now btw LOL), and when he found out, he turned many of our mutual friends against me. He tried to commit suicide in front of me. He would show up at parties where I was and OD on pills and jump in the pool or something equally as destructive to make me feel bad about not being with him anymore.

His behavior escalated over time and got worse and worse and more and more dangerous for me. And it started with him being controlling.

I would get the hell away from this dude. He is bad news.

*hugs*