[ SECRET POST #2565 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2565 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]















08. [SPOILERS for Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan]



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09. [SPOILERS for The Walking Dead]
http://i.imgur.com/Rnp3pTB.png
[gore in image]


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10. [SPOILERS for American Horror Story]



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11. [SPOILERS for Doctor Who]



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12. [SPOILERS for Sherlock]
http://i.imgur.com/d4tbog4.png
(OP requested link)


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13. [SPOILERS for Sherlock]




















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #366.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Finding out people you like are scumbags

[shinyhappypanic]

Anyone else experienced this lately? or ever I guess?

There's this girl at work who I really liked (I'll call her X). She's awesome at her job and also really personable, and ever since my first day I secretly looked up to her and wanted to be like her. But about a week ago, I found out X is a part of this group of people who want to get the current manager out and basically take over the store...I don't necessarily like our current manager either, but she's been running things poorly lately for a valid reason (and also the idea of trying to put anyone out of work is just sickening to me). Additionally, the other day I heard her talking to this woman she's friends with about some girl they know outside of work. Apparently X believes this girl is in love with her, and some text messages sort of indirectly insinuated that this was true--and X and the woman were like laughing about it and joking about it in front of everybody at work. Now, I'm straight and I admit I wouldn't really know what to do if a girl fell in love with me, but the fact that she was openly laughing about it in front of everyone made me sick to my stomach. Now I can't really even look at X the same way/feel really awkward around her because she really isn't who I thought she was. And I know I should never have placed any stock in that anyway, but I'm still disappointed. It's my fault too, but this is someone who I thought I wanted to be like.

TL;DR: It turns out someone I know sucks. Has this happened to anyone else, and would you like to vent/lament about it?

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

Not exactly the same and I'm sure I'll get shit about this but...

I met this woman at the local trail that everybody takes their dogs to and got to talking. We ended up taking our dogs there about the same time each evening and our dogs got along great, so we'd hang out and chat. And I was so excited because I had been in the area for about a year and had yet to make any friends, and particularly any friends in my age and interest group. Then she kind of disappeared for about a month, when she came back she told me about how she and her husband had volunteered with their church to go on a Mission in South Africa and help the communities there build churches and hand out Bibles and whatnot. So disappointed. I thought I finally found someone cool to hang out with!

I am pretty anti-organized religion in general, but I can overlook that if you're an awesome person who lives your life and doesn't proselytize or try to tell people about your God, which was apparently not the type of Christian she was. I am so very anti-Mission and just...ugh, could not get over that. We still chatted at the trails and stuff, but my hope of a budding friendship was smashed.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

I think your feelings are understandable. That sort of behavior strikes me as the most useless and arrogant form of white-savior complex. It's one thing if you want to go over there and dig wells or build schools or hospitals or whatever - then at least the people who live there are getting some actual benefit from the "mission workers" stroking their own egos about how virtuous they are... but just to proselytize? Yes, more sanctimonious cultural imperialism is exactly what the people whose country you're vacationing in need. -____-

tl;dr - I'm with you.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks for understanding. Like I said, I get a lot of shit. But going over and only giving help to people because you're trying to convert them, never mind the whole racism issues that she brought up when talking about her Mission experience....sad to lose that opportunity but I guess she wasn't really who I thought she was anyway.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[iceyred]

So...before she went to South Africa you had no idea she was a Christian, but when she came back and told you about going to another country to do work she considered important and had no impact on you whatsoever, you think she's not good enough to be your friend?

You literally decided not to be her friend because she went and talked to some people about God? You are so anti-religion that someone doing something that has no affect on you is enough to convince you to drop them?

Sounds like she missed an opportunity to hang out with a prejudiced jerk. Maybe that's why you have no friends.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

Wow. Thanks a lot for that. I'm having a really rough day and your message is actually making me fucking cry. Thanks. That's really what I needed. For you to jump to fucking conclusions and tell me I don't deserve any friends.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[lunabee34]

I can understand this.

My grandmother buys Gideon Bibles in all of our names as Christmas presents. Besides the fact that I think it's tacky to give charitable gifts in people's names if they are not charities the giftee supports, I've seen what a college campus looks like after the Gideons have hit it (Bibles in every trashcan, on the floor in every classroom and bathroom). It's such a waste of money. I have much less of a problem with mission work that incorporates meeting the physical needs of people: obtaining access to clean water, healthcare etc.

I was raised Evangelical Protestant and a great majority of the mission work coming out of that tradition focuses on going to other countries and trying to convert people who are already Christian (Catholic) to "real" Christianity, which I find ignorant and deeply annoying.

I also think a lot of mission work tends to have unfortunate colonial and paternalistic overtones.

Mission work was also a kind of approved vacation or way to go abroad for people who otherwise wouldn't have that chance in the church I grew up in. You couldn't go to Cozumel on spring break, but going to Mexico for mission work was acceptable.

I am not anti-religion; I think faith is a valuable part of many people's lives. But mission work makes me deeply uncomfortable.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

Eh, I know organized religion has it's problems, but a lot of the sites where they build churches and stuff are for already-existing Christian communities. So the people there already want a church and Christians from another area are helping them build it, which isn't really bad and it's often how churches spread in the U.S. too. I don't think she's pushing religion on people who don't want it, but I may be wrong.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

That's reasonable, IMO. Missions like that seem to be more about the people going on them than the people supposedly being ministered to. It occurs to me that if they really wanted to help, they'd take all the money they were going to spend on airfare, Bibles and church-building and send it so people could buy food, textbooks and build schools, instead.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

I'm with you 100%, and iceyred can go fuck themselves.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[caerbannog]

Sorry to hear that anon. If it makes you feel better, I wouldn't bother being friends with someone who's priorities are "convert first, help later". Especially since missionary is one of my least favourite converting methods*.

I hope you have some luck with finding friends elsewhere. Perhaps you can try more recreational groups?


*Withholding help, food, shelter, useful buildings, whathaveyou over someone's head unless they do the person's religious things. That's lipcurling manipulative behaviour.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[dethtoll]

There was the time I realized that someone I thought was a friend was in actuality a lying junkie sack of shit with pedophilic tendencies and a habit of screwing people over to escape trouble.

We don't talk anymore.

There was also the guy who I eventually abandoned when I got sick of his weird misogynist pseudo-intellectual "I'm an anarcho-capitalist atheist and that means I'm smarter than you" bullshit.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[forgottenjester]

You should get those two dudes to meet. Sounds like a party. A party we both never want to go to.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

oh god ancaps

ancaps are the fucking worst

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

that sounds like my ex!

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[iceyred]

I met a guy through some mutual friends. He was nice enough that I agreed to go out with him. He turned out to be a misogynistic, materialistic, shallow asshole.

One of my co-workers turned out to be a lying nut job.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[shortysc22]

I had a similar experience. I'm going to name them random names for ease of explanation. I had started to hang out with my sister's circle of friends and got really close with one of them, James. James and I just found we both had compatible personalities and talk a lot. I sort of crushed on him, told him so, he said no, whatever we're still really good friends. James has this friend who would come over sometimes while we were hanging out, Michael.

Michael is a huge flirt but I figured, hey I can always use more friends and since my office was a commute and he lived near my office, it would be someone to hang out with after work. We went to dinner once because drunk me decided to give Michael my cell number when I was hanging out with James. Then he wouldn't leave me alone. He finally got the hint after several months of me blowing him off because the conversation when we went out to dinner once was so stilted and awkward.

But I have to still be nice because I ended up running into him at the bar the other week because hey, he's still part of my sister's circle of friends.

Sorry this got super long.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[sarillia]

I had a sort of friends with benefits situation going on with a guy and he completely stopped talking to me after I started getting serious with my girlfriend and told him he wouldn't be getting anymore blowjobs from me.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[herpymcderp]

That's ...not really being an asshole or a scumbag though? He didn't owe you anything but orgasms since that's the kind of relationship you had with him. And if you were getting serious with someone else, then I have no idea why you'd complain about him respecting your romantic relationship enough to stop seeing you.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[fingalsanteater]

I though this dude was cool but then later I found he lied about having seen Star Trek. So I'd think he was cool, I guess. It's a weird thing to lie about.

Oh, and he started dating this woman who is married. She's getting divorced now (I don't know if he was dating her before the break-up or after, but he used to hang with her and her husband). I knew they were gonna start dating, with the way they were flirting. But, last I heard she was madly in love with her husband (only been married like a year). I never liked her much anyway, but I was disappointed in him a bit. When I think back on it, though, he's actually not as great as I thought.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know why someone would lie about watching a show. Why not just say "No, I haven't watched that but I'm in interested in it." and then watch it?

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

my initial misinterpretation on reading this was that the problem you had was that he hadn't actually seen Star Trek (not that he lied, just that he had never seen Star Trek)

and my initial, extremely momentary reaction was "Oh, yeah, that makes perfect sense".

OBVIOUSLY THIS IS WRONG AND DUMB AND I DON'T ACTUALLY THINK THAT it was just a funny momentary thought

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[caerbannog]

Straight BFF got jealous and possessive when I got a girlfriend - because I was in a relationship first apparently? Actually she got weird possessive whenever I'd go hang out with friends other than her. Also with mutual friends she once told me they were only friends with me because of her. She was passive aggressive a lot, would never do things like my birthday celebration. As in, I'd have to book this thing and she'd hem and haw and say maybe or yes then at the last minute on the day she'd change her mind - and I'd have to go to the thing by myself since I've already booked it. Sometimes other friends could come, sometimes not.
Or we'd go out dancing and she'd spend the whole time picking up guys, which meant I had to field off the guy-friends and she'd act all embarrassed when I told them I was gay or didn't kiss them. I stopped going dancing with her but she'd still ask and ask and promise she's not going to pick up and eventually convince me to go only for it to be a repeat. Then there was when I discovered my autoimmune disease and she wasn't supportive in the slightest. Would tell me to call her when I'm sad, so when I'd eventually give in and call her because I'm sad she'd basically tell me to bugger off. But would call me all the time to talk about random shit? It piled up and was frustrating.

Kind of still is frustrating. We are still friends but I've dialled it way back to hanging out every other month. I do like her company, but damn she can be a horrible friend and I'm not sure why I bother sometimes. Familiarity of the years I guess? I have plenty of other friends at least.

Sorry for the tldr, remembering it all made me angry.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

iceyred.

Re: Finding out people you like are scumbags

[(Anonymous)]

yeahhhhh. it makes me sad, because i like iceyred and i think i more or less agree with them on most of the central points, but they probably chose the worst possible way to make those points. i'm sad.