[ SECRET POST #6030 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6030 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 25 secrets from Secret Submission Post #862.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I’ve met people like this and sucks tbh. I can tell they’re lying and I don’t understand why and I’m unable to trust them about literally anything as a result. If you haven’t seen something or have only seen part of it, just say so! The topic can shift to something else or I can still talk about the thing but in a way that’s tailored for someone who hasn’t seen it and leaves them space to contribute to the conversation. Otherwise I’m stuck doing it all myself knowing the whole time I’m wasting my breath talking to a lying sack of shit.

[(Anonymous)]

I’m wasting my breath talking to a lying sack of shit.

Take it down a few notches. They lied about a TV show. It’s understandable to feel untrusting after this, but this level of aggression and insults isn’t understandable.

[(Anonymous)]

That's harsh. I've known people who are very traumatized from bullying and have to trust me a lot to circle back around, eventually, and admit that actually they didn't watch something or don't understand a reference. The fear of being the only one who doesn't know what everyone else is talking about, and the social consequences of admitting it, follows them around decades afterwards.

People lie for a lot of reasons. It doesn't mean they're attacking you.

[(Anonymous)]

+10000


(Some people might consider this a traumadump, so you can ignore this response if you don’t want to read my full response)


Most of my lying was when I was a teenager who’s “friends” would exclude him if he didn’t watch all the things they did. There was no “Oh, you haven’t watched it? Let me gush about it!” that other anons get from these people. And that was just one of the many ways they bullied me. Excluding me was just the tip of the iceberg of that psychological and emotional abuse glacier.

I had to unlearn so much of my coping mechanisms when they were finally out of my life for good. But it wasn’t always easy, and I would still unthinkingly lie, even about silly things like movies I hadn’t seen, to protect myself. Before I reminded myself that my new friends wouldn’t do what my bullies did, and I’m not in highschool anymore. I’ve been much more honest since I unlearned the behaviors. Therapy helped, and so did my family and new friends.

So yeah, I don’t appreciate the implication by association that teenage me was a “lying sack of shit”. AYRT’s self-righteous and black and white comment makes me feel defensive, and I can’t help it. Because there’s nuance for why some people lie. Sometimes it is for simple reasons, but it’s usually not. And the reasons are almost always definitely not to attack the person being lied to. But for fear of being verbally attacked themselves in some cases.

[(Anonymous)]

It’s awesome that worked on that! I’m not being even a little sarcastic, I’m aware that takes a monumental effort. But it doesn’t mean the people you lied to in the past are required to start trusting you again or believe anything you said back then even if you only lied about some things. You lost all credibility for that time and probably some time after, possibly even forever with some of the people you knew then. That’s just how it goes. Lie and get branded liar.

[(Anonymous)]

Lying about having seen a show is not that serious bro. Reflect on why *you* have such a knee-jerk reaction to white lies.

[(Anonymous)]

those people don't deserve honesty.

[(Anonymous)]

Your takeaway from someone lying to avoid being bullied is that the /bullies/ don't trust them anymore? Get over yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

Ps: you know this but your friends sucked. I’m happy for you that you have a healthier social circle now!

[(Anonymous)]

This.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

All of this. You put everything I was alluding to in much more specific terms than I could have. And I think it's a shame that the person I replied to decided to come and entrench in "I'm a survivor too, and that gives me every right to be maximally judgmental about anyone ever lying, about anything, no matter how trivial!"

Much as I disagree with that, I'm going to assume they're doing the best they can, too.

But I think you did a lot of other anons who were wondering "why would anyone lie about having watched a show?" a favor by explaining. Because most people who don't think like that, and wouldn't be gleefully exclusionary and cruel to someone over nothing, can't imagine what it's like to be on the recieving end of that, if they haven't been.

[(Anonymous)]

TOP

And I think it's a shame that the person I replied to decided to come and entrench in "I'm a survivor too, and that gives me every right to be maximally judgmental about anyone ever lying, about anything, no matter how trivial!"
That didn’t happen.

I’m not required to trust anyone who has proven they are liar even if you would. That’s it. That’s all.

[(Anonymous)]

It doesn’t matter to me why they lied, it only matters that they lied. If someone cannot be honest about minor stuff like watching a tv show or movie, then obviously I am not going to trust them about anything. You can excuse it all you want but that doesn’t mean I have to *shrug* Good on them if they eventually work on failings and decide to be honest people but it’s ridiculous to assume everyone is suddenly going to believe them about anything.

[(Anonymous)]

Do you want an award for your moral integrity? Do you really not understand how trauma can produce an instinct to lie for self-protection?

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Do you really not understand how trauma can produce a self-protection instinct to not trust people who lie about random shit?

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT I absolutely understand that can trauma can be and usually is the reason for compulsive lying. That doesn’t make the person any more trustworthy though. Lie to me and I won’t trust you. And that’s really not as uncommon in the real world as so many in this thread make it seem. It’s true of cats and dog and chimps and elephants and horses, to name a few animals that have been researched extensively in regards to social trust. Humans are more likely to be forgiving because trust is no longer vital for our individual, communal, or species survival.

[(Anonymous)]

People can have trauma reasons why they lie. But also people can have trauma reasons for hating when they are being lied to. So
And even without black and white strong response I don't think a lot of people enjoy being lied to. So people making this small lies are doing themselves a disservice

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe you come off as someone who would be pushy about watching a show?

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe? I doubt it cause I’ve seen six shows in the last fifteen years and rarely talk about them. At work if multiple people watch something I’ve seen I’ll chat casually about it and sometimes asks others if they’re into it or not. A few times over the years people have said they did when clearly they didn’t. But I won’t totally dismiss that my tone pressured them. But even if I suddenly was granted that knowledge it wouldn’t make me suddenly think someone who lied to my face wasn’t a liar.

[(Anonymous)]

It's weird that you put so much value into whether someone watched a show or not.
Some shows are so same-y I will go "no, I haven't watched it" only to later remember I did, sometimes absent-mindedly or not very invested, or "oh yes I have" until I remember for whatever reason I was going to watch it but didn't. It's just... not that important, for me, whether I have watched a show or not. I have watched millions of shows and not watched a bazillion. It's just not that important.
If you ask me "are you a fan of the thing?" I can answer more accurately, because it's either "yes let's talk about it" or "no".

[(Anonymous)]

Gonna be honest you sound like an awful person to talk to anyway, but listen. If someone is going on and on every day about recing shows to me and have not listened to me saying I am not interested and I don't watch much TV or Movies, then yeah I'm going to give a harmless white lie about having seen it just so they will back off and we can move on to a different topic.

You sound very simple minded and the epitome of lacking imagination and nuance. Might be something to reflect on.

[(Anonymous)]

+1

[(Anonymous)]

You’re projecting. I rarely watch anything. I also get sick of saying over and over no, I didn’t watch the thing or don’t want to watch the thing. My experiences of this are strictly in my workplace with peers and I have had people say no, they didn’t watch something and I moved on. But I’ve also had people say they did and then during the course of the conversation it’s clear they never did. Not just they forgot plot points or something but just compulsively lied at the outset. And I think it’s very strange that FS has so many people who think compulsive liar adults are a normal everyday healthy part of society. Because fuck no that is absolutely not the case.

[(Anonymous)]

Who's projecting here? Secret OP isn't talking about compulsive liars.

[(Anonymous)]

What the fuck is wrong with you.