[ SECRET POST #2442 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2442 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 045 secrets from Secret Submission Post #349.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I think demisexuality definitely doesn't need it's own label or to be an orientation. It seems to be made up of people who think the rest of the world just wants to immediately bone any attractive person they see.

I hate pansexuality too because while it could be a legitimate way to account for attraction to non binary people I mostly see it used as "I'm pansexual, so I like men, women, and trans people!"

[(Anonymous)]

I thought pansexuality meant that someone's sex/gender didn't enter into the equation of attraction whereas bisexuals are specifically attracted to both men and women, but gender matters to the attraction. So it pansexual doesn't just mean also attracted to trans people, but it means gender/sex doesn't have an effect on attraction.

That's how I've always thought about it anyway. I identify as bisexual because I'm attracted to both men and women, but I have specific things I like in each gender.

[inkdust]

That's been my understanding of pansexuality too. An individual's gender identity and presentation don't really play a role in a pansexual person's attraction to them.

[pantswarrior]

That's what I thought too. Bisexual = attracted to gender-specific things of males and females (biological and otherwise). Pansexual = attracted to people in general.

Possibly I don't get it because I'm asexual though, so I don't really get how sexual attraction works to begin with, hahah. But my teenage brother identifies as pansexual, and frankly I think it's cool that he managed to even learn that term living with my conservative mom, who naturally keeps telling him he doesn't know what he wants (and is probably crying herself to sleep a lot because two of her three kids turned out to be something other than straight - I actually do sympathize with her, but too bad). I'm supporting the kid in his choice of labels, at any rate. He and my other brother have been awfully supportive of mine.

[cbrachyrhynchos]

Nope.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm bisexual and this has also been my experience. I don't care that there are a bunch of special snowflakes who misuse the term. That doesn't take away from the real definition.
I mean, hey! There are -sadly- lots of people who think that bisexuals just can't make up their minds and are "greedy". There are also bisexuals who really need to have both sexes in their lives and therefore feel the need to cheat on their partners once in a while.

That doesn't take away from the fact that "bisexuality" is NOT about an urge to cheat or not being able to decide.

[(Anonymous)]

Nope. Bisexual means attracted to both your own gender and not-your-own-gender. Whether it's as broad as 'any gender, anywhere' or narrower to the tune of 'just these two' or 'cis or trans folk of either gender, but genderfluid doesn't do it for me' or any other permutation, bi's still an appropriate label.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I consider myself straight, but I still din't undertstand the 'if you're bisexual you're not attracted to trans people and you're transphobic scum' Even though the fact that they're trans could make the whole sex thing kinda complicated at first, I don't understand why a bi person wouldn't be attracted to someone of either sex. I've heard of situations where someone realized they were trans and their significant other was totally cool with it because they were bi and also, one of my good friends is trans and in a relationship with someone who identifies as exclusively gay. What's the big deal anyway?

[(Anonymous)]

'if you're bisexual you're not attracted to trans people and you're transphobic scum'
What?!? Is this for real?? Can anyone explain this because it sounds pretty fucking terrible.

[(Anonymous)]

A lot of pansexual people say they're pan because they're attracted to trans people as well, so any bi people who didn't make the jump to pan when it became a popular label must be transphobic something something gender binary blah blah blah. It's ridiculous.

[(Anonymous)]

isn't that like saying trans people don't actually belong in their gender so straight people couldn't possible be attracted to them??? Doesn't anyone listen to themselves??

[(Anonymous)]

Only when they want to hear the sound of their own voice. So like, all the time.

[(Anonymous)]

Not to mention, 'bisexual' requires a lot less explanation than 'pansexual'. I already get lectured on how I should 'make up my mind', or how I'm 'straight now' or 'was only bicurious' because I'm married and monogamous. I don't need another argument.

[(Anonymous)]

Amen to that.
Why make life even harder for yourself by using a different label that just boils down to "bi" again?

[deaalmon]

I don't know about other pansexuals, but I know that when it comes up, I tell people I'm bi. The nuances that separate bi from pan are only important to me, and they are subtle enough that most people don't understand the difference. I've explained it to a few people that I think might get the difference (my fiance, my best friend, etc), but to most people, I don't make it an issue.

It's not about making your life harder or easier, its about trying to understand how your own mind works. For me at least.

[maverickz3r0]

I often wonder if those people realize they're saying trans people aren't male or female at all, as if every single trans person is part of some other gender, and that is what makes me side-eye them so freakin' hard. Cause that is pretty damn offensive and grade A+ missing the point.

[making_excuses]

You put my thing into words! As a bisexual woman, I don't think of a trans* man or woman as any less man or woman than a non trans* person, why should I? If you identify as one gender (or none, or both) I will respect it, and if I find you attractive I will be okay with dating you!

[(Anonymous)]

Right?! A trans woman isn't a woman? That's a ridiculous distinction to me, and hurtful in and of itself.

[saku]

i get what you mean about the pansexuality thing but for me it's more a distinction between adhering to the gender binary and welcoming people of all identities. i personally don't think bisexuality takes it far enough to be a good descriptor for me. intersex people and folks who fall outside the binary exist too and i've just never felt that "bisexual" as a label suits me.

eta: so it's less that pansexuality means "i like men, women and trans* people" and more "i have the potential to be attracted to people regardless of their gender and sexual identities." this is something i feel bisexuality doesn't do.

[cbrachyrhynchos]

Oh, good grief. Bisexuals adhere to the gender binary to much the same extent as lesbians have Greek passports.

[saku]

this hasn't been my experience with it. quite the opposite actually, considering how literal the bisexuals in my social circle take their label - "i like men and women," they say. perfect, but not everybody is either a man or a woman or both, and the differentiation is useful to me, both as someone who is genderqueer and as someone who remains open to people of all gender identities. i mean no hatred or disdain in my choice of label; preferences are preferences and people cannot help them. don't mistake my own identity as that of a person who is looking to one-up others.

[cbrachyrhynchos]

Then perhaps you need to meet a better quality of bisexual person, or just start sampling the asston of literature by bisexual activists that don't define our sexuality in that way. Who's authoritative here? Robyn Ochs, Lani Ka'ahumanu (the two of whom wrote the books about bisexuality), The Bisexual Resource Center, the soc.bi faq, the 1990 Bisexual Manifesto.

i mean no hatred or disdain in my choice of label;...

Whether you intend no hatred or disdain is irrelevant. You've chosen to express both.

[saku]

your assumptions about pansexuality do not have any objective value; you may choose to refer to me as hateful if you wish but i've no interest in applying your fallacious opinion to what has been expressed in queer culture towards the contrary. i'll survive knowing one person thinks i am expressing hate/disdain for people who buy into the gender binary.

[(Anonymous)]

What would you call someone who was attracted to *only* cisgender men and women, then? If not bisexual (as you claim they are "lower quality bisexuals"), is there another term?

[(Anonymous)]

Bisexual- attraction to two or more genders.

trans men are men, and trans women are women, and you don't need a new word to include them

genderqueer falls under "or more" which how i've seen plenty of people define bisexuality. even if they didn't who said the distinct genders a bisexual is attracted to are men and women.