[ SECRET POST #2215 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2215 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


There is a moving gif in this post.


01.


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02.
[Rose McGowan]


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03.
[Puella Magi Madoka Magica]


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04.


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05.
[Fringe]


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06.


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07.
[Touhou Project / Axis Powers Hetalia: Romaheta / Kuroshitsuji / Homestuck]


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08.
[Being Human UK]


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09.
[Three Kingdoms 2010]


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10.
[Legend]


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11. http://i.imgur.com/fO4RU.jpg
[linked for kind of porny/suggestive postures of possibly underage character]


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12. http://i.imgur.com/T28p7.jpg
[linked for illustrated porny x 2 (clothed, but that doesnt do much)]


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13.
[Downton Abbey]


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14.
[Xia Junsu/Tarantellera]


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15.


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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]














16. [SPOILERS for Downton Abbey]



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17. [SPOILERS for Homestuck]



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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]















18. [WARNING for abuse]



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19. [WARNING for abuse]



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20. [WARNING for incest]



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Notes:

Late day at work, sorry.

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #316.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - template ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

WARNING FOR OP, I'm not doubting you, but I do have doubts about others

I'm seeing SO MANY of these secrets and sentiments...I'm really starting to question how many of them are legitimate, and how many of them are teen girls who feel gleeful they might get to play the 'woe is me' card by pretending their mother was abusive, whether or not they have any reason to.

Again, I'm not doubting you here, OP, or even your story.

[(Anonymous)]

Right, because it can't possibly be that toxic parenting is a hell of a lot more common than people think, and people feel safer admitting such things with a degree of anonymity.

Because if they tried to admit it face to face, especially to those who know their parents, they'd be disbelieved and dismissed and told to just suck it up by people like you.

[(Anonymous)]

And people making shit up for attention and to feel so tragic about their life is pretty common as well.

[fuchsiascreams]

TW: MENTIONS OF RAPE AND ABUSE

I totally agree with this. This is only tangentially related, but I just spent the last four days or so on a website reading personal stories of people who have been raped or molested. There are 187 pages of stories, with about 3-5 stories per page. I'm currently on page 40 and have just now found the first story I've read so far where a victim of sexual abuse was believed the first time they told instead of being called a liar. Most of the time they either never worked up the courage to tell anyone ever again, or had to go through several more months or years of being abused before they were able to "prove" what was happening to them. Most of the time, it was the former. I've actually read more stories where somebody WALKED IN on them being raped/molested, mostly by a parent, and were still called a liar, than stories where they were taken seriously the first time they told.

And that's why it makes me so sad that somebody would rather put their energies toward maintaining the integrity of a potential abuser rather than trying to make sure that a child isn't beaten, raped, harassed, bullied, stalked, or sexually, physical, or psychologically abused anymore. Because I know what it feels like to try and tell and be told that it's not that bad, or suck it up, or I shouldn't feel that way, and because I know how incredibly common it is for a person to be abused in some way, and feel uncomfortable with coming forward because of people like the one you just responded to.

[(Anonymous)]

What about this secret makes this particular OP's story true when you doubt others? If you're really gonna theorize this, have the guts to say that you think this OP might be just as likely as the other OP's to be lying, rather than chickening out and hiding behind "oh oh, but I don't think YOU'RE lying, just that other people are1"

[(Anonymous)]

The violent reaction.

Try again.

[(Anonymous)]

I sadly think emotional abuse is far more common than any one wants to believe. We are also too conditioned to make excuses for certain forms of parental abuse (look at how 'funny' parents humiliating their children is supposed to be or how destroying or threatening to destroy their child's things is considered a'okay and a good way to keep a child 'in line')

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Threatening to destroy your kids things is not child abuse, unless it's "you're going to have to sleep on the floor because I'M SETTING YOUR BED ON FIRE". If they try to make some big scary show out of it, that's abuse through intimidation.

But breaking their TV or laptop for being disobedient is non-abusive and non-harmful.

[(Anonymous)]

but we're also to the point of considering every little thing to BE abuse now. Being human = being emotionally abusive these days. You have to memorize your little set of appropriate phrases and reactions for every situation and when you deviate, you're damaging the kid for life! Ugh. Relax. Humiliating a child isn't okay, but there's a difference between teasing them and humiliating them. (I'm not really directing this at you, anon, just in general)

[intrigueing]

It's likely that a few of them are lying, but tell me: what the hell good are you accomplishing by this comment?

If they are lying, there's no way to make them stop lying, their lies aren't hurting anyone, and at the most, you've made people generally skeptical of the veracity of abuse confessions.

If they're not lying, you've made people generally skeptical of the veracity of abuse confessions, AND you've weakened abuse victims' hope that people will believe and show sympathy towards them if they come forward and confess.

So tell me again: what did you hope to accomplish with this comment?

[(Anonymous)]

OP here

Thank you. Comments like that are why I kept my mouth shut for so long.

[(Anonymous)]

OP here

Thank you. Comments like that are why I kept my mouth shut for so long.

[(Anonymous)]

Nothing. It's an anonymous comment on an internet forum in the middle of a sea of internet forums. I could write a long treatise on the subject of animal welfare, Nigerian health care, etc, and I would be stupid to think it would accomplish anything.

As for why I commented about it, it's because it this is a discussion forum and it is relevant. I specifically made the exception for the OP, who I do believe is an exception, but otherwise it does have to do with their secret, if not being specifically about them.

[fuchsiascreams]

This, 100%.

[(Anonymous)]

I for one find it extremely easy to believe that there are enough people who have been through this to account for every single person who comes forward. Just like I find it easy to believe many people who go through these things don't feel comfortable talking about it, or that it's real abuse.

People are flawed and fucked up, therefore parents are often flawed and fucked up. We get up and keep on going, but why should we pretend it isn't true.

[(Anonymous)]

Except you are doubting the OP by suggesting that other people might be faking it or overreacting or making it up.

Don't gaslight people, christ. It's not hard. Don't undermine people and tell them they're too stupid to understand abuse.

[(Anonymous)]

Gaslighting does not mean "do not doubt someone". Gaslighting is intentionally trying to fuck up someone's perception by presenting false information. It would be like me pretending there's a study that 99% of people who thought Gothel was like their mom were actually lying.

And if you think I am doubting them, you're wrong. If you think they might take it that I am, sure, possibly.

[(Anonymous)]

Did you really have to say this here, though? Maybe next time you have a thought like this, start a thread in the general comments. Since it has nothing to do with the OP's experience.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm seeing SO MANY of these secrets and sentiments...

I can think of maybe two in the last six months? That doesn't seem like enough to hit the skepticism switches.

OT - kids and cars, tv, phones, computers

[(Anonymous)]

It bothers me how many people in this thread are going about the child's TV / computer / phone / car. I have a child, and they didn't get a computer on their own until they turned 15; we have a desk computer for communal use and printing, and that's what they used until then. They have never had a TV of their own; nobody on our house has a TV of their own, in fact, there is only one and it is on the living room.

They also are not going to get a car paid by me: I got my first car at age 25, after I had been working and saving for several years, and I don't see why it should be different for them. I do lend them the car on the weekends (they are 17 now), as long as they follow the rules I set. Most of the time, though, they move with their bicycle, which they bought with their savings and can be truly called 'theirs'.

I also didn't pay the internet bill one month after they spent most of their online time on 9GAG and facebook, while the homework piled up. They used the library, the library's internet and their school's internet to do school things, and three times they asked me to do some research for them in the office and take back home. All the house suffered from the lack of internet that month, of course, but all other solutions wouldn't have worked with tech-savvy kids.

And btw, they didn't lose contact with the outside world. They went to school in the morning and talked to people. They went to extracurricular activities on the evenings and talked to people. Their friends came visit and they went out with their friends on the weekends ... which of course means they talked to people.

As for phones, there's the home line which everybody can use, and then every member in the family has their own cell phone. The child got an old phone of mine, which they later upgraded with their savings. They pay for their phone plan, which they choose on their own and is the cheapest one available (they mostly communicate via regular text).

Now, their savings, where they come from: every week they get lunch money and taxi money. If they make their own lunch at home, they save money. If they wake up early enough and/or are ready on time so there's no need to hurry, they can use their bicycle or ask for me to drop them wherever they need to go, and they save money. If they help with the groceries they can add personal items to the shopping cart. If they wash the car, I give them gas money (when I lend them the car they have to return it with the same amount of gas).

I also give them money trice a year: on their birthday, the end of the year and the end of the school year. How much I give them depends on their school grades; it goes directly to their saving account. I buy them clothes and shoes for the same occasions; any other clothes they want they have to pay for (unless it is really basic like underwear or socks, or is school related). On their birthday I buy one thing for them / their room, their choice. Last year was a new seat and new lights for the bicycle.

Books, I pay 100%. And sometimes, when they are almost there with their savings I give them the amount they need, with the understanding that whatever they buy will partially belong to me. For example, his acoustic guitar: we agreed that if he ever stops practicing, I am allowed to sell it (with his knowledge, even if not his agreement, and after a number of warnings), keep the percentage I contributed of the selling price, and give him back the difference.

Returning to the topic, I have never broken anything of theirs, but then, I have difficulty accepting the way some people speaks of kids' belongings these days. For most children it is 'given to me' rather than 'gotten by me, and I know exactly how much it cost, both in money and effort, and I also can list what other stuff I didn't get because I could only get one thing and I choose this'; and so many, many kids have so many, many stuff that they learn nothing from it.

But then, I have always believed that parents are supposed to teach their children about ownership, helping them understand their belongings' value beyond the superficial, and preparing them for adult life. My parents did it to me, if only for the reason that most of my childhood and teenage years there was financial trouble at home; given the difficult economic times my child will probably face, is the least I can do.

Re: OT - kids and cars, tv, phones, computers

[al28894]

Oh, can I just hug and scream and about "YES!!" to all of this?

As someone who learns the value of money from an early age, goes to the library more often than the desktop since primary school, and doesn't use or even own a hand phone until I was seventeen, I just want to hug you for bringing my points to light about all of the discussion above.

Re: OT - kids and cars, tv, phones, computers

[nyxelestia]

A lot of this stuff concerning belongings, possessions, ect is very much context-based. The reason why computers and phones are hitting so close to home for a lot of people, though, is because destruction of these particular items often are used intentionally to isolate people by their abusers. (And depending on where you live, cars too - in some places it's very easy to move around and find people/help on foot, bike, or public transportation, while in others the only way to get around is a car, so having no car means you might as well be trapped).

And even if you aren't trapped/physically isolated...the fact that you can go outside and talk to people might not mean much if all the people you can talk to outside are friends with your abuser or think you are over-reacting when you are not. And often times the only source of support can be from complete strangers online, because people in real life cannot be trusted to provide that support, either because they are assholes or because they are uneducated and don't understand that something is a serious problem and not something one can just ignore or 'get over'.

There's also an element of attachment and symbolism here. For many people, possessions are an extension of self. It doesn't matter how you got a particular object, it just matters you possess it now. I know, intellectually, many or most people would say my laptop is technically my father's because he paid for it, but he's not the one who's been using it for the last several years, I am. I am the one using it, form attachments to it. My father gave it to me - not loaned, gave - and thus turned it from his possession into my possession, psychologically.

I'm not all that attached to my clothes, so if my dad were to start destroying them, I'd be pissed or upset, but not intimidated or fearful. My laptop, though, is very much an extension of myself, so an attack on my laptop is an attack on me by proxy. Destroying my laptop might as well be punching me in the stomach (in all honesty I'd rather be punched in the stomach than lose all the data on my laptop). That said, it wouldn't be isolating for me - it would be very easy for me, once I got out of the house, to find transportation to somewhere I can get help, as I live in a major city. But if we lived in a rural area, and my laptop was the only form of communication I had, then it would be very isolating, because I can't just walk or take a bike somewhere, there's no car for me to access (presumably, if my abuser were trying to isolate me), and there's no public transportation.

I can certainly see where you're coming from, though. I went to a school with a very wide range of kids on the socioeconomic scale, and it used to boggle my mind that there were kids who considered a car to be a 'default' 16th birthday present, and lack of a car to be a painful denial. Entitled, much? It was crazy what these kids expected as 'standard' gifts from their parents.

And hey, I still don't have a car, and if a parent can't or won't give their kids a car? That's fine. More power to the parents. It's reasons similar to this that I actually turned down my father's offer to help me get a car. But once you do give the kid a car, once that kid has formed an attachment to the car and it has become an extension of yourself, then yse, setting that car on fire is abusive. It is meant to intimidate the kid, and it can be an assault by proxy depending on how they view the car. Hence the rage against the property destruction on this thread - the act on its own can be a mixed bag of malice or in terms of how benign it is or isn't, but all the implications surrounding it and just how steep its slippery slope is...that's what makes it abusive.

[fuchsiascreams]

Yeah, that's why they submitted it anonymously. Because all they want is the glory and sympathy of being recognized as a victim. It couldn't possibly be because, you know, a lot of people are being abused.

[corvigryph]

Or maybe. Juuuuust maybe.There are a ton of secrets about this movie because the power dynamics potrayed in it are genuinely terrible and hit a lot of chords with people who have narcissistic parents.

You know because... that was the point.

[arcadiaego]

If you're not doubting them then perhaps this isn't the place to make this comment.