[ SECRET POST #2726 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2726 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Naruto]


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03.
[Transformers: Prime]


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04.


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05. http://i.imgur.com/dkPX9Ym.gif
[moving .gif, Steven Ogg, Grand Theft Auto V]


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06.


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07. [SPOILERS for Murder in the First]



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08. [SPOILERS for Game of Thrones]



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09. [WARNING for rape]



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10. [WARNING for rape]



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11. [WARNING for rape, abuse, etc]



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12. [WARNING for rape, abuse, pedophilia, incest, ironically enough none of which OP warned for]



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13. [WARNING for eating disorders]



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14. [WARNING for suicide]



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15. [WARNING for sexual abuse]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #389.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - ships it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

This is a thought I've had for a long time, but I'm never around at a decent time to make it:

Whenever talk of sexuality is brought up, inevitably somebody mentions demisexual and the derision hits the fan because "THAT'S NOT A SEXUALITY; YOU'RE JUST BEING A SNOWFLAKE!!" And while, yeah, I'm not crazy about the label (mostly because I think it sounds dumb), that always seems like a very flawed argument.

Because sexuality, by definition -- and common usage -- is about the way in which we are sexual. How many times have there been conversations about fiction and the way it "punishes women for their sexuality"? We're not talking about whether they sleep with women or men, we're talking about whether they have sex, how often and under what circumstances.

Sexual *orientation* on the other hand has always been about the nethers and gender of the people you want to have sex with.

So, it seems to me that sexuality doesn't matter if somebody is gay, straight, bi or pan -- in terms of sexuality they can be celibate, slutty and any number of things in between...including demi. And picking an ever-loving fit because you don't like the word somebody picked for their sexuality is just as much a reflection on you as it is on them.

Thoughts?

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

Call yourself whatever you want. But don't act like you are oppressed because you have to get to know someone first before you have sex with them (gasp!)

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

Why do people still think demisexual has anything to do with who you actually want to have sex with when it has been clarified over and over that it's about who you feel attracted to, not what you want to do with them?

-not a demisexual

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

No it doesn't? Demisexuals are only want to fuck people they know (you know like the majority of the population). It doesn't define what type they are attracted to.

honestly, demisexuality started as a joke on an RPG board by a teenager. And it just comes off as being very slut-shamey. "Oh we don't have sex unless we KNOW people. Not like you people who will just fuck any warm body you can find."

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[vethica]

I have seen literally no one claim they are oppressed for being demisexual. Harassed by internet jerks, yes; oppressed, no.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

It seems like a huge amount of the reason people object to demisexuality as a sexual orientation or a sexual identity is because people want to say "I am demisexual, and am therefore queer in the same way as LBGT people"

It's not crazy to identify that way. It's not even necessarily crazy to construct it as a sexual identity in the way you seem to be referring to. I mean, you're right as far as it goes, I am kind of agreeing with you here. It's just that you're not addressing that part of the conversation.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not fond of people trying to limit the definition of "queer" (I don't think that's what you're doing, Anon) and I think that in the long run, people who experience sex in a relatively traditional way allying themselves with the LGBT community is a good thing.

But I do think it's obnoxious when people of any sexuality that hasn't been actively repressed start playing the oppression card. I even think it's obnoxious when LGBT folks start claiming persecution in situations where it doesn't exist, or when they've never experienced it. "Oh no I have to wait months or years before I can have sex with my partner!" is not persecution. Not even close.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

But queer has a meaning, and I should think to most people who are actually queer (myself included), "expanding" the meaning seems like it's trying to water down our struggle at worst, and at best, get seriously off topic. First off, "demisexual" isn't remotely queer at all, and secondly, where would we stop when we start expanding the definition?

Of course I think people should ally with the LGBT community. But calling yourself "queer" because you're not sexually attracted to strangers isn't a great way to be an ally, and certainly doesn't make you a member. Even if you don't claim to be oppressed, why would you describe yourself with language that doesn't apply to you? It just doesn't make sense to me.

" I even think it's obnoxious when LGBT folks start claiming persecution in situations where it doesn't exist, or when they've never experienced it. "Oh no I have to wait months or years before I can have sex with my partner!" is not persecution. Not even close. "

I'm really not sure what you mean by this..

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

SA - was thinking about it and wanted to clarify. It would probably be more accurate to say that one of the main reason people object to demisexuality as a sexual orientation is because THEY SAY people want to say they're queer

I don't know how much people actually do that. but that's where the debate lies.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

Anon above you here.

I've seen queer people overreacting to demisexuals because they're "cheapening" what it means to be queer (their words), demisexuals calling themselves queer because they feel "different" (their words), and demisexuals calling themselves queer because OMG WE'RE PERSECUTED TOO (again, their words). I have no idea how common any of this is, but I've seen enough of it to notice it as a pattern. At least in my part of the internet.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

Did I write this in my sleep? I agree, Anon.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[toku_mei]

I agree that sexuality can simply be a word to describe how you are sexual. In fact, I don't think this is anything really groundbreaking - sexuality can refer to kinks, to how often you like to have sex, to your preferences, etc. But I think orientation is a subset of sexuality, so the two words are often interchanged.

Now, I like words just fine. I like new words that describe things that we didn't previously have words for. I think the problem comes when we start talking about labels and identities. Not only is demisexual silly because, imo, the definition is a bit too vague to even be useful in the first place (though I don't begrudge anyone's willingness to use it), it seems to deliberately fashion itself to sound like homosexual or bisexual. Which linguistically might not be a problem, but when it becomes a ~label~ and is asserted on a level equal to LGB people's orientation, that's annoying.

I guess I don't see the point in "identifying" as demisexual when it's easy enough to say that you are only sexually attracted to people you have close relationships with. Maybe I'm just turned off of the phrase since I'm gay myself, but yeah. Labels are a tricky thing. I see them as useful for understanding yourself, and asserting yourself (especially in the face of discrimination) but I don't think they're helpful when they start to define you. Especially when that label isn't an experience that's going to particularly shape your life and how the world treats you.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

This is a big personal issue for me. I don't have any answers, just my own questions. If I find men and women attractive, am I bisexual? If I don't particularly want to have sex, am I asexual or bisexual with a low sex drive? I don't know. But I agree that people seem to use both terms interchangeably, and I think they refer to different things.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

That's my issue right now with added bonus of trying to figure out if my attraction to guys is too small to bother with the bisexuality label.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

This is me - I don't know if my attraction to women is serious enough for the label, whereas my attraction to guys is an incontrovertible fact. I hope I'll know for sure when I get the chance to have sex with a woman.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

oh hi, me!

yeah i think the massive amount of labels coming out of the ace community right now is just muddying the waters for those of us who want some clarity about ourselves. it's like looking at a fridge stuffed with food and not knowing what you want to have for lunch.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

LOL that is a great comparison. But yeah, I don't know, it's so confusing. It's like, I was attracted to guys (well, a specific guy) for years and years, and I still am, but lately I've been noticing more and more women, and I realized that I find more women attractive than men, but I don't really want to have sex with anybody. I just want to look at their pretty faces and cuddle.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly? I don't care what you're labelling yourself. Especially if you're a teenager. If you need to use label to feel comfortable with yourself / your sexuality, more power to you. But don't expect me to take you seriously if you insist on being treated as a special snowflake.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

The thing that bothers me about labels like 'demisexuality' is that it is literally no one else's business (outside of the person you're dating) how much sex you are or aren't having or when or why you're having sex. It affects absolutely nothing. It's not something that's visible; no one even knows about it unless you tell them.

So to act as if it's somehow the same thing as being gay or straight or bi is... well, stupid. People will notice if a woman walks down the street holding hands with her girlfriend, but no one has a clue how much sex they're having or even if they're having sex at all.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

This is a really good point.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, this. I don't really like to be defined my labels in general, but I am gay, that heavily affects my life. Me being in serious relationships, how we're treated, how I'm treated, and so on.

Someone who doesn't want to have sex with strangers, that's not an identity. I'm sorry, if "demisexual" helps you understand your body's way of doing things, whatever, but it's not an identity, or at least not one that matters. All it does is describe your pattern of attraction, there's nothing queer or "abnormal" about it. It's not really going to affect your life or how the world treats you. As you said, it's not "visible", it's not even particularly inconvenient, it's not outside the normal spectrum of attraction and says nothing to suggest the types of relationships you're having. It just isn't meaningful to anyone outside of you and your partner, and I don't see it remotely relevant to anything except in perhaps a discussion on the nature of sexual attraction.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think demisexuality is a real sexuality because all the other sexualities are mutually exclusive. You can't be both heterosexual and homosexual, because that would be bisexual or pansexual. Since demisexual makes no distinction about which, if any, gender you're attracted to, it really seems like a sexuality modifier more than anything.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

That's why OP made a distinction between "sexuality" and "sexual orientation."

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[riddian]

All I have to say is that I'm so done with people who foam at the mouth over demisexuality. Move on and find something else to rant about, or I will roll my eyes and move on from you.

Re: Sexuality v. Sexual Orientation

[(Anonymous)]

I just wish people would quit yapping so much about sexuality, period. So not interested in who Random Internet Person #94875298347509 likes or wants to fuck.