[ SECRET POST #2390 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2390 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.
[Karl Urban]


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02.
[Legend of Zelda]


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03.
[Pride and Prejudice]


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04.
[Shingeki no Kyojin]


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05.
[Les dossiers du Bell]


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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]












06. [SPOILERS for 'Injustice: Gods Among Us'; 'Man of Steel']



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07. [SPOILERS for Welcome to Night Vale]



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08. [SPOILERS for Young Justice]



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09. [SPOILERS for Merlin]



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10. [SPOILERS for Supernatural]



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11. [SPOILERS for Umineko no Naku Koro ni]



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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]














12. [WARNING for incest]

[Felica & Ryon Day, "Co-Optitude"]


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13. [WARNING for incest]



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14. [WARNING for suicide]



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15. [WARNING for abuse]



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Notes:

Sorry for late again, work's a bit busy this week.

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #341.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

I've never thought that only a "traditional" nuclear family counted as a family, but for some reason I've always had it in my head that it had to include kids in some way. Today I was talking to a lady who is married but doesn't have any kids and she was annoyed that some relative of hers doesn't consider her to have a family. I didn't say anything, but I realized I agreed with her relative. It's not that I love kids and think everyone should have them or anything...I dislike them and don't plan on ever having any, but the idea of me and my future husband being considered a family, just the two of us, is bizarre to me.

I realize there's the possibility that I'm just wrong on this so...am I? Do you think a couple without kids should be considered a family?

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

yes

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[mekkio]

For me, a family has to have kids. Otherwise, it's just a married couple. It doesn't matter if those kids are biological or adopted, daughters, sons, nephews, nieces, baby cousins, younger siblings or whatever that have been taken into the fold. They have to be there.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[siofrabunnies]

I linguistically agree with you. My husband + me = couple or household. A family needs at least three people. I don't really care if there's kids, though. Someone's brother could live with them, or something.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[pantasma]

Yes.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, you're wrong, and yes, couples without children are still families all on their own.

"Family" is a nebulous and personal concept - if it feels like a family, it's a family. Sometimes families are complete and sometimes they aren't, but it all depends on how you feel about it.

Besides that, what the hell else would you call it?

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think so.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

This makes me uncomfortable because so many homophobes use the "they can't have children" excuse for why gay marriage is destructive to "families."

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

A couple without kids is still a family. The view that they aren't a family unless they have children is an outdated idea born from a societal expectation that all couples would have children.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[tamabonotchi]

imo if it's just the couple, it's a couple. Children, relatives, or even pets would make a family.

I have a teacher who's stated she and her husband don't intend on having kids, but to me their dog and 2 cats makes them a family.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[dethtoll]

“For the purpose of 5 USCS §§ 8701 et seq., "family member", when used with respect to any individual, means--

(A) the spouse of the individual; and

(B) an unmarried dependent child of the individual (other than a stillborn child), including an adopted child, stepchild or foster child (but only if the stepchild or foster child lived with the individual in a regular parent-child relationship), or recognized natural child--

(i) who is less than 22 years of age, or

(ii) who is 22 years of age or older and is incapable of self-support because of a mental or physical disability which existed before the child became 22 years of age.”

source: http://definitions.uslegal.com/f/family-member/

There's an ambiguity in this language, however, specifically the word "and" in that first definition. However, depending on how you read it, this says the legal definition of family member includes "spouse" and "child/ren."

On a social level things get much more muddled. Nobody really questions anymore that a single parent with one child is a family, as well as unmarried couples with children. The gold standard, of course, is a married couple with a child. Where people tend to get more ambivalent are same-sex relationships regardless of children and couples without children.

The lady you spoke to has every right to be indignant, but I don't see what's so bad about using "married couple" in place of "family" if no children are involved. More often than not, "getting married" and "starting a family" are referred to as two separate acts.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

I wish I hadn't read the responses. I feel sick to my stomach by how loosely people are throwing around things like "JUST a couple" and "not a family." Yes, childfree people make up a family, both legally and in personal practice. Belittling such families or using "just" in front of couple is degrading and sickening.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[kallanda_lee]

If she defines it as such, then yes. Marriage is basically the acts of legally making a non-blood relative a relative in the eyes of the law.

You don't HAVE to consider yourself family when you're married, but it's not strange if you do and completely valid.

I'm not planning on getting married, and don't feel my bf is "family" in that sense, but then, I have non-blood-related "aunties" that I DO consider family. It's not an exact science, but rule of thumb: if someone describes themselves being a family, they are.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

I think... I think I would consider the category "family" to encompass the category "committed couple", but would default to the more precise term when describing them. Does that make sense? Whatever.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

I guess, personally, I use the word family when I am talking about a couple with the addition of another person or people, but those people don't necessarily have to be kids. couple + kids? family. couple + live in grandmother? family. Couple + with very close relationships with other people? Also family. If I am talking about just two people who are dating, I'll always call them a couple rather than family. Dunno. Guess coming from a big extended family, just two people seems way to tiny for the concept of family.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[making_excuses]

Your family is what you choose to be your family, so yes I would consider a long term partner and I family especially if we live together and plan to do so until we die.

Working from that I also consider my foster parents my family (and their children and grandchildren) family, also my cat, and my step brother and mother, my adopted foster niece and nephew, my little sisters foster parents and their children and of course my own mother and father and aunts and uncles, to some degree I also count my friends family as part of my family as I get invited to their extended family functions and her parents calls me up and asks how I am doing from time to time.

This is the same attitude that is when people say half (step/foster) siblings are not your real™ siblings, because they are not related enough or something? Which believe me hurt like hell (the thought that I can't possibly love my siblings as much as someone who have both parents in common is just stupid), so maybe think about that, the next time you judge someone for what they choose to call their family? No one is forcing you and your future husband to call yourself family, but let people who want to do it and respect their damn feelings.

I am sick and tired of people having one or two views of what a real family is and anything outside of that is not a "real"... Some of us have a huge (and possibly complicated) family, others have a smal family and some are not related to any person that they consider part of their family. Some only have their partner as family and others have like me 5 parents and are not related to half of the people we choose to include in our count as family.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

Where I'm from the general rule seems to be 'If they're married/been together for several years they're considered to be a family, if they're neither then they aren't a family yet' when it comes to couples.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

YES

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[ooh_mrdarcy]

A couple without kids is a family if they feel like a family.

"Do you think a couple without kids should be considered a family?"
That's a really poor choice of words, tbh. Families come in all shapes and sizes.

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

I've talked with people about separating civil unions and marriage, and I've wondered: why does everyone care so much? Marriage means something only because we've given it meaning; it holds no intrinsic value. The problem is rights. I should be able to visit my partner in the hospital. I should have access to my partner's assets. I should be able to act if and when my partner dies.

But, for most people, it's not about the rights. At least, not entirely. It's about the symbolism. And the symbolism needs to change for any of us to move forward.

I think it's the same thing with family. The word is loaded; it carries a shit-ton of cultural baggage. But it doesn't actually mean anything, and it shouldn't mean anything in the modern world. Connection is not dependent upon blood or upon a monogamous relationship (what of a polyamorous person?). Why do we insist on using it? Sure, it's the social default, but who ever changed a goddamn thing by saying, "society likes this thing, so let's keep doing it?"

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[forgottenjester]

I consider people who consider themselves to be family, family.

(I hate that sentence. Damn you english and your double words.)

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

Why do I feel like this was meant to stir up wank?

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[(Anonymous)]

I wouldn't think so, no. If I choose to marry someone then we will be a couple, not a family. And that's fine, because being a couple is special enough. I have pets, but they're not my family either. That's also fine, because being pets it special enough (and they have better lives than the poor animals who get dressed up and called their owners' ~baaabies~).

The more you know...

[(Anonymous)]

Today I learned that my wife and I aren't a family (even though we have been together for over a decade and are responsible for caring for 7 other beings) all because we never had that single important human offspring.

Thanks, fandomsecrets!

Re: Does a couple without kids count as "a family"?

[othellia]

I think they're both technically a family, but - when it comes to referring to them in casual conversation - I'll only use the word "family" if there's more than two people with regards to what I'm talking about. So a couple and their parents/brothers/uncles/aunts/cousins/etc, whether they be biological or in-law, would be a family. But just talking about two people, I'd use the word "couple". If referring to them and their pets maybe "household"? IDK.

*shrugs*