[ SECRET POST #2693 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2693 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 058 secrets from Secret Submission Post #385.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ], [ 1 - blank image ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

06. http://i.imgur.com/RKTZx2k.png

[(Anonymous)]

I really want to say something, but I'm not really sure what.

[(Anonymous)]

People who self diagnose and then try to use that as an excuse for their behaviour are the fucking worst. And yes, people with autism can have some behavioral issues. But that is not an excuse to be an asshole.

My niece had moderate autism. She throws tantrums, will hit her siblings, etc. She is punished just like any other child (in her case, having to go to get room and/or electronics taken away). And get behavior improves (she rarely throws tantrums anymore).

If my niece with moderate autism can learn to curb her negative behavior, then someone with autism who is able to participate in fandom sure as hell can. Especially since they have the advantage of not bein gave to face with the people they are talking to.

sa

[(Anonymous)]

Get= her

[(Anonymous)]

Punishment doesn't work on all autistic children, though. When I was a child, I just shrugged it off (no TV? OK I'll play games; no games? OK I'll read a book; no books? OK I'll take a nap/study), sometimes lost respect because the punishment had nothing to do with the undesired act and I couldn't see why I needed to respect illogical people, adult or not.

But yeah, what I totally agree with is that autism =/= asshole behavior.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, clearly your one person experience in observing someone else's child means you know everything about autism and have a right to hold opinions.

Only it doesn't.

[solticisekf]

It's not exclusive to fandom, imho. Mentioning any kind of illness will make people wary, especialy psychological issues, coz not everyone knows enough about it. Idk what's the point of talking about this in fandom anyway.

[diet_poison]

Apparently it comes up a lot in fandom, because when you're online it's easy to make that a bigger part of who you are than it really is - in a sense, to hide behind it and use it as an excuse. So if you're shitty to someone, which happens a lot in fandom too...it can come up quite a bit.

[(Anonymous)]

Er, I can respond to this.

In my case, it comes out because people are demanding "OMG UPDATES".

They just can't fathom that maybe someone has a chronic condition that means they can't post/fandom socialize every day, until it's pointed out.

Am I using it as an excuse? Yes. Is it a valid one? Can't really post when I'm unconscious so.. I think so.

Not sure if this is agreeing or disagreeing

[feotakahari]

I used to tutor for a kid who clearly had some manner of developmental disorder--I think someone said PDD-NOS once, but he was pretty atypical even for atypical. When told to stop doing something, he wouldn't stop unless he expected some form of punishment. If he expected punishment, he would apologize profusely in what seemed to be a sincere tone. Then he would do the same thing again whenever he wanted to do it, and if he again expected to be punished, he would apologize again in exactly the same tone and with exactly the same words. He seemed to regard other people as robots with programmed responses, and would provoke whatever responses he thought were funny, not caring (or maybe not recognizing) if what he said or did hurt their feelings.

He had serious issues with learning and retaining information, so at first I tried to react to him as someone in need of help, but the more exposure I had to him, the harder it became to respond to his behavior with anything other than anger. I further noticed that any other person who had had prolonged exposure to him would react with anger or cold frustration to almost anything he said, even if that person was nice and friendly to everyone else. (This included, but was not limited to, every member of his family.) At times, I felt a lot of pity for him, unable to learn well enough to function in school and not socially aware enough to function in society. At other times, he seemed completely happy as he was, provoking people according to his whims and safe from any real consequences for his actions.

If nothing else, I'll agree that yes, mentally ill people can be hard to deal with.

Re: Not sure if this is agreeing or disagreeing

[levy]

I feel like I just read a complete description of my little cousin, he has ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and all of the things you listed matches with his behaviour. It's very frustrating, just like you said :/ he would lie blatantly and then cry for forgiveness, be forgiven and started laughing and lying again.

What his grandmother did to atone a lot ot his hyperactivity was to be VERY patient (he would start screaming and she would ignore him, then talk quietly with him about how he shouldn't be like this and ask him to help her with the chores, which he liked to since he always wants to do something), but then she is his grandmother and loved him to death, so it's understandable her compromise. My cousin had also many tutors for school, but he would start kicking them or throwing them things, so yeah :/ I understand you would get mad at him. I get mad with my own cousin a lot of times too.

The only thing that helps on those cases is to talk with the parents and tell them the boy needs counseling. In my cousin's case he also needs medication, but counseling it's the best and a lot of compromise to help them by being really patient.

[badass_tiger]

I can understand saying something like 'Oh sorry I misinterpreted the tone of that comment, autism, you know', but 'Oh sorry I was a huge flaming dick, I have autism, can't help it' is childish. Yeah, AS people can be difficult to deal with and people can be misunderstanding but relationships are always two-ways, OP.

[sarillia]

I have a feeling this thread is going to be full of people who don't feel like telling the difference between an excuse and an explanation.

[jaybie_jarrett]

I do agree about people using "autist" as an insult, that really makes me angry and sometimes a little bit hurt. (I remember one time when someone used 'sperging out" it actually upset me and reminded me of being teased).

I will agree that autism can effect people behaviors and reasonably asking for accommodation because of autism is not the same as using it as an excuse. and it sucks when people act like wanting ANY accommodations from others is the same as acting like they can do whatever they want.

(I once asked my parents if I could bring a notebook to church to write something other than notes on the sermon because I have OCD (which does give me religious related invasive thoughts) and when I just listen to the sermon it gives me horrible anxiety. My dad told me I was just"being a victim" and I got told I should 'deal with it instead of running away'. As if giving myself a slight diversion of attention is the same as running away. Besides for all anybody around me knows, I MIGHT be writing notes on the sermon. What I'm writing in my notebook isn't really anyone else's business.)

But what I don't agree with is people responding when people point out what their doing wrong , "I have autism stop BULLYING me". I swear I saw this thing on tumblr where this girl made a comment about people getting mad at her and when someone told her what she did,(including telling people to kill themselves and cyber bullying behavior). She flipped out on them claiming that her behavior was her having "autistic meltdowns" and then accused the other person who called her out of harassing her and being a creep.

In a fandom I was(DP) in there was this girl who loved the protagonist and hated a lead female character (because she was a goth) and would always insult her. She approached a few DP fanclubs with this entitled attitude and badmouthed the female character referring to her as "our enemy". When people told her not to character bash and refused to let her join the group she threw a fit and claimed she was entitled to be in the group. She also insulted people's art because they included or drew the protagonist paired with the character she hated and she stalked this one user who drew art for the show and even sent the user her address asking her to send DP art to her. When the user stopped drawing for the fandom this girl tried to talk to her friends about forcing her to draw DP art again. When called on her behavior she claimed to be autistic and used it as an excuse. She also accused someone who warned other users of her of lying. She also tried to tell someone who she hurt to "be a good person and forgive her"

That is the kind of behavior that autism DOES NOT excuse. You can't do whatever you want, and hurt whoever you want and then claim you're a victim being bullied when people call you out on it.

Its okay to remind people that you struggle with social things because you have autism. Just remember that you still have to try.

[icecheetah]

What is this Chris Chan thing?

I haven't seen these myself, but most of the people I interact with in a fandom setting either have a disability or know someone with one who isn't me. I have dyspraxia, but I have never been insulted for it in a fandom setting.
But I may have been lucky.

[(Anonymous)]

IA

Expecting mentally ill people to control themselves is stupid. Not being able to control your thoughts and behavior regardless of your will is the definition of mental illness. Everyone experiences some problems in social interaction, it's only when these problems are completely beyond their control, and it's unlikely to ever change, that we call them a mental illness.

Of course there will be times when mentally ill people will use their illness as an excuse even in situations where it doesn't really apply. Of course nobody should be forced to deal with this. But the correct response to that is explain to the ill person what they're doing wrong, and ignoring them until they correct their behavior, not expecting them to control themselves, and certainly not mocking them.

[inkdust]

I believe in following four rules that apply here no matter where you fall:
1. Don't use mental or physical conditions as insults.
2. Don't make hard and fast judgments.
3. Don't make excuses for acting like an asshole.
4. As sarillia mentioned farther up, learn to tell the difference between an excuse and an explanation and have the patience and decency to do so.

[(Anonymous)]

I realize that disorders can make interaction difficult, but not being a dick to people sincerely helps in not garnering negative feedback.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm with you there, OP. I have a sibling who is... I don't really know how to say it, low-functioning autistic, I guess? It's not quite severe autism (he can communicate fairly well and has his repetitive motions under control) but it's much stronger than you'd find anyone on the internet has. I am SO SENSITIVE about the way people talk about mental disorders like autism and aspergers, it's like I'm on the defensive for my brother all the time and it drives me insane. I'm sure some people think I'm a complete killjoy but I absolutely can't tolerate people poking fun at autistic people. It's my instant fury button.

[kallanda_lee]

Fandom is not a monolith, it's a collection of people. And no matter how much tumblr might will it - it's not a "safe space".

Personally I found the number of people in fandom who are understanding of mental issues to be somewhat higher than average (but I'm not autistic, so my experiences may vary).


I'm sorry you were treated badly, OP - but fandom is not that much different than the real world. There will be people unwilling/unable to understand. There will be assholes, as well as there will be honest miscommunications that still might cause hurt.

And then there's still issues people accept more than others.

[sachiko_san]

No. The hate for Chris-chan comes from him being an awful person, not because of his autism. He's a racist, a "nice guy", and quite a disgusting person. He vandalized an X-Box display at Wal-Mart once and was banned from the store (he hates X-Box and calls it Hex Box, which is what he wrote on the display). His Encyclopedia Dramatica article lists everything done by him and to him (some girl pretended to date him and got his Sonichu medallion).

I've also never seen autist used outside of 4chan.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh man, I forgot all about Chris-chan. The dude actually made a sex tape with his dakimakura.

[ryttu3k]

I don't have much else to add here, but I do want to point out that ASD isn't a mental illness. Yes, it's listed in the DSM, but it's classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder.

Developmental disorders, including neurodevelopmental ones, are essentially a difference in brain wiring - there's no 'cure' for them and it's just the way the person's brain is configured. You can learn different methods for dealing with it (I... assume Chris-chan did not), but there's no actual cure.

(I would really like Autism Speaks to realise that part, please.)

Mental illnesses, as a general rule, CAN be from brain wiring but are also often due to an unbalance in neurotransmitters or from patterns of thinking that have become fairly unhealthy, and can be treated with some classes of medications or with psychotherapy. Depression, bipolar, anxiety, and psychosis can all be treated medically and someone with those illnesses could be considered to be treating it, but there's no such equivalent for neurodevelopmental disorders (except things like Ritalin for ADHD, but that's a fairly controversial one).

[(Anonymous)]

Yep, with you pretty much all the way. Even besides the use of insulting terms like "autist" and "sperging out," so many people are quick to accuse anyone who ttalks about having ASD as lying for attention, trying to use it as a crutch, being a self-diagnosed jackass... on and on, and it happens so much more often that people who actually are using ASD as an excuse to be awful. I once got into an argument here that lasted for a week about how it should be okay to disbelieve anyone who says they have Asperger's because clearly they are all self-diagnosed lying attention whores who should be yelled at and put in their place.

And it's no walk in the park for people with other mental problems either. People like to think they're more open-minded than they really are, even in the relatively progressive space of fandom.