[ SECRET POST #2114 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2114 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 061 secrets from Secret Submission Post #302.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - unreadable ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

I'm going to sound so naive and stupid when I say this, but when my Asian friend (who I've only met online) casually told me his little brother was caned for not studying, it really shook me. Like, made me feel really sick and upset over it. He told me it was nothing, that it was an 'accepted Asian thing', and I looked it up myself...and he was right. Heck, his country ENCOURAGES the purchase of canes to use on children for disciplinary reasons.

Being a narrow minded person from the UK, I just thought that sort of thing wasn't allowed anymore. I never really gave it much thought. And hearing about it, in such a casual way, really got to me. I called up my boyfriend afterwards, and he helped console me, because I was almost in tears over it. I don't know why. I've never been hit myself or anything. But hearing about other kids getting hurt that way-by their parents of all people- tore me up completely.

I know. I'm being totally over-reactive, right? About a culture I don't really understand, or a family that I don't even know. But it still struck me. Kids should never be punished through violence in my eyes. It's just wrong...

I'm sorry. I just wanted to get that off my chest somewhere. And maybe hear some other opinions on it. I don't know.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[khronos_keeper]

I'm sorry you were so shocked by it. I worked in Korea for a year, and corporal punishments for students being bad or not doing their work was a normal thing. It shocked me too, at first, but since nobody seemed all that scarred by it, I didn't say anything.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[tyger66]

Yeah, since we are raised with the message that being physically harmed is WRONGWRONGWRONG, especially with today's verrry loose definition of "child abuse", seeing it in action in other cultures is jarring.

However, their kids aren't all shut-ins with PTSD or anything, so I'm gonna guess that, at least for them, it's just a part of life. Do bad things/Disobey authority figures -> get punished.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

Asian girl here.

For me and cousins and siblings, physical punishment is not a big deal and didn't really affect us much. Our white friends would think our parents are really strict, but honestly, we all thought that white parents are insufferably wish-washy and just let their kids run wild.

You don't know how many times I've seen bratty white children and teens that are totally off the handle- and in public! They even talk back and swear at their parents. None of my siblings or cousins would dare talk back; we have been taught respect for our parents.

Honestly, white people should get their shit together, not the other way around. We're not the ones with the out of control, disrespectful brats.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[intrigueing]

*facepalm* You know, two fails in opposite directions don't make a +1.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

I promise you the reason those kids you speak of are misbehaved is not because their parents don't hit them enough. Some of the worst-behaved kids in my neighborhood had parents who hit them regularly. My parents never hit me and I still learned respect. A lack of corporal punishment doesn't correlate to bad behavior in children, bad parenting does.

REVERSE ATTACK

[tyger66]

Wowww. Ok, so she feels upset about something she is unfamiliar with that is counter to her culture, and you respond with a vicious attack against an entire race of people.

"OMG WHITE PEOPLE RAISE HORRIBLE SPOILED KIDS AND THEY ARE ALL DISRESPECTFUL ASSHOLES."

What different cultures consider to be "disrespectful" varies massively. What you see as "talking back" to them might just be conversation. I know if you saw the way I speak to my mother you would probably be horrified. But it doesn't matter what YOU think. What matters is that she doesn't mind it or think it's disrespectful because that's just the way we talk to each other!

The way you were raised would probably make me uncomfortable, but I wouldn't lash out and say "OMG ALL ASIAN PARENTS ARE ABUSIVE AND RAISE SOULLESS OBEDIENT ROBOTS!!!"

Because quite frankly, that is incredibly rude and more than a little ignorant.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[yeahscience]

We're not the ones with the out of control, disrespectful brats.

HAHAHAHA I would love to know what country you're from.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[fickletastictot]

Trolliest post I've seen in a while. Bravo!

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

What you're describing sounds a lot like saying "we beat the misbehavior out of them, and then they act right" which might be effective, I couldn't say, but to American sensibilities that attitude is 100% not okay

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

stop with your cultural erasure and white imperialism please

caning in asia is a part of their culture and you have no right to judge

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

IDK, anon, it's totally not an accepted thing in my country, but don't people just get angry? Just... Have fits of temper? I think it's international. I used to be beaten sometimes when I was a child. And even a couple of years ago my mom would still slap me in the face when I would annoy her. It really freaks me out and has always been, but such things happen. I'm pretty sure in UK it's the same.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not Asian, but where I was when I was younger corporal punishment was pretty much the norm. It weirded me out when later I met so many people who were really really against it.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[making_excuses]

In Norway you aren't allowed to slap your children or cause them pain in any way. I just don't get the physical punishment thing at all, there are so many other ways to make children listen to and respect you.

I only need to slightly raise my voice to my cousins and they listen to me, because they know they are doing something wrong and are supposed to listen to adults, and I would never raise a hand to any child, I'm firmly in the belief that violence causes violence.

But different cultures and opinions I guess, and as long as one follows the law in whichever country one is in I can't tell you how to behave.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[al28894]

As a South-East Asian, I can't make my opinion without making some sort of bias, but I can say that not all parents do this on this side of the world.

I guess one of the reasons it's still going on is that we walue education more than entertainment. Heck, just a few years ago my father cut the fun package in the cable natwork because "You are now old enough to get over these kids shows." No, I'm not Dad. Now my only outlet to cartoons, movies and fandom right now is my laptop. I guess the main primary reason for this is that our parents want us to have a good future that they don't have, and that anything that deviates from that goal (not studying, entertainment) must be dealt with swiftly to prevent a recurrence.

Now that has been said: I still promote the use of caning, but only in sovier cases of bullying or in the case of harming somebody. Caning just because of not studying is a big no-no for me.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[inkdust]

I think it's wrong, OP. It's probably not something I would speak out against because of the cultural difference, but I will continue to hold that it shouldn't be done. There are many other ways to create discipline.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

One of my friends got belted when he yelled and hit his parents. He said he was glad his parents did it because nothing else worked at the time, he didn't give a damn about anything and would have continued hitting his parents. It wasn't his parents hitting him in anger, like "you made me upset and now you're getting the belt!" or for retaliation like "you hit me? now I'm hitting you back ha!". It was very structered - hit parents=set number of slaps with the belt.

Corporal punishment isn't something I'm happy with or something I'm comfortable dealing out to others. But what would you do when you're the parents in my friend's situation? When your kid yells and hits you and time outs or taking away priviledges aren't working, would you continue to let your kid hit you?

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, I...didn't actually expect so many responses for this. Well, umm...

Firstly, I want to clarify that in no way am I trying to be a 'white imperialist' about this. I understand that it's a part of his culture, and I refrained from making a big deal out of it when my friend noticed my discomfort. Still, the thought kept eating away at me, and even though I accepted it, on a moral level it did upset me. I wish I could be more understanding, but I just can't empathize. Nevertheless, I know discipline is different for everyone all over the world. I just need to be less sensitive about it.

Secondly, this whole corporal punishment on a general level...Like I said, I was never hit. Yet I turned out okay, in my opinion. I'm respectful towards my mother, my teachers, my coworkers... All I ever needed was my mother's disapproving glare to send me bawling and apologetic.

But that's just me. Everyone's different after all. Nothing will ever make me believe that violence is the answer, in any context...but I admit it's small-minded of me to believe that when it comes to the cultural aspect of it. And I apologize to anyone who thought I was trying to be offensive about this. I did come across as a little over-emotional and bigoted in my post and for that I am sorry.

Lastly...I don't dig this whole 'white' racism going on either. Like someone said, two wrongs don't make a right. Not all white kids turn out bad because they're not punished by a backhand or something. And not all Asian kids are studious and well-behaved either. That's just racial generalization, and it's not cool. We're all human, and we all make mistakes.

Still, thanks for the responses, good and bad. :) I feel better about all of this now. And my eyes have been opened a little wider too in light of it. So thanks.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly...I disagree with it. Children do need punishment, but beating/hitting your kids does not automatically make them behaved and respectful. I've known plenty of kids who were beat as children and now have anger issues as adults. I've also seen children who get hit and still act out. I'm personally against physical punishment, especially as severe as using a hard object as a way to inflict it.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[citrinesunset]

I don't blame you for being upset. I understand that it's a cultural difference, but that doesn't make it less upsetting.

Honestly, I don't believe there's ever an excuse to hit a child (except maybe in a very, very mild sense, like slapping their hand away from a hot stove). I know a lot of people do not feel like they were harmed by it, and I trust that that's true for them. But I believe it's wrong and I'll stand by that.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

tbh I feel really dumb in this thread since I never really thought about corporal punishment meant to hurt...it was always about the embarrassment when it was done where I lived. You weren't scared to get spanked/switched because it hurt, it was because it was made into a production and it was embarrassing.

The White Man's Burden

[(Anonymous)]

Oh wow, gotta love all the white saviors who need to show us poor, dumb colored folks how to act proper and civilized. We don't even know how to raise our own kids! Maybe they should make residential schooling for Asian children?

1) White people can't experience racism.

2) Even if a non-white culture is doing something you feel is wrong, it is not your place to get involved. That attitude leads to colonialism. Leave it alone and let the actual people who it is effecting solve the 'problem'. Asians don't need white people telling us how to live and run our lives okay.

Oh, and if you don't think what you're doing is wrong, you might want to look at what white folks had to say about Native Americans- it's strikingly similar to this thread.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think you're wrong to be upset by it. Hitting a child for doing something wrong may or may not stop them from doing that thing again. It also has the potential to teach them that violence is the answer to something they disapprove of. Or, put another way, hitting begets hitting. I think that's a pretty terrible legacy.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

I think you have to be careful to tailor your punishments to the child, and understand how they interpret things. I mean, I just had a class of 8-year-olds in a religious class, some of whom thought that the reason God still loved them after they did something wrong was because it wasn't really wrong in the first place or because they didn't fully understand that it was wrong when they did it.

Now, imagine how those children will have been interpreting their parents' reactions to them being naughty.

this thread

[saku]

some people: "this seems abusive and harsh"
literally all the anons: "hahahahahahhahahahaha white ppl"

you're right that it is abusive but the way other cultures collectively handle it makes a difference in how the subject of the caning handles it too, more often than not. no doubt some children are heavily abused under this method but overall physical punishment has been common throughout history in nearly all cultures and it didn't leave a whole lot of emotional scars for most of the kids who had to deal with it. there's a difference between disciplinary action that is the norm in your society, and beating your child mercilessly in a society where that is unforgivably seen as abuse. cultural perception really does make a difference.