[ SECRET POST #2532 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2532 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 065 secrets from Secret Submission Post #362.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Bad Advice

[(Anonymous)]

What are some awful pieces advice adults gave to you when you were a kid?

"Tell them how you feel"

[(Anonymous)]

... So they can laugh at you in the face. :(

The poor guidance counselor meant well, I'm sure, but yeah, that advice is a bit naive. Do guidance counselors not remember what it was like being a kid?

(I do agree to some extent that that IS an option, but it always depends on the situation and how you tell them how you feel.)

Re: Bad Advice

[starphotographs]

A school counselor once compared my personality to his earring. Because he, like, takes it out when he's around people who might not like it.

WELL THANKS I'LL JUST TAKE MY PERSONALITY IN AND OUT, THEN.

...Advice in general is kind of dodgy, especially unasked-for advice given to children. It always seems like it was meant for someone that isn't you, and the people who like giving it don't seem to think.

Re: Bad Advice

[(Anonymous)]

It gets better.

I'm kidding, I can't think of anything.

Re: Bad Advice

[loracarol]

- they only tease you because they like you (p. sure there's a different between "teasing you" and "bullying you to tears every day)

- they're just jealous (that doesn't actually help)

- no one can make you feel inferior without your consent (because feelings are that easy to deal with when you're a child)

Re: Bad Advice

[dreemyweird]

Do to others as you would have them do to you. Very soon I discovered that other people were often mortally offended by things I considered perfectly innocuous.

Re: Bad Advice

[(Anonymous)]

"Giving up and running away from your problems won't solve anything."

Yeah, tell that to my parents who fled tyranny. And in my case, leaving my problems behind and taking a different route entirely probably saved my sanity.

Re: Bad Advice

[siofrabunnies]

"Focus on school". Other problems taken into account, nobody told me networking and experience are important. Just grades. You can imagine my prospects.

"Bullies are just jealous" or "Ignore them." Yeah, no. Different people bully for different reasons, and ignoring sometimes made it worse.

"You're smart; you'll figure it out." It's not so much advice, but it's a bad attitude to have with a kid asking for help.

Re: Bad Advice

[fingalsanteater]

A guidance counsellor once told me to basically not worry about my parents martial problems and to get over it. I was in 5th grade and it was obvious my mom disliked my dad greatly, so much so that she slept on the couch for 5 years until they finally got divorced (when I was in 9th grade- and by the time they got divorced I was glad for it), and I was a bit upset. So, to be told not to worry about it and to get over my concerns and to just have my feelings dismissed so carelessly as she did... I'm still angry and bitter about it, to be honest, even 15 years later. I don't really like to talk about things that really bother me, even now.

Re: Bad Advice

[ketita]

I don't know if I can truly categorize it as 'bad advice', but - when dealing with bullies, my dad's advice was always "hit them back, twice as hard". Which did actually work, but could have gotten me into trouble if I ran into kids who were actually a lot stronger than I had been, for example, or chronically unwilling to back down.
Seems to be better than the "ignore them" advice, though...?

Re: Bad Advice

[(Anonymous)]

"Ignore them and they'll stop." NO THEY DIDN'T.

Re: Bad Advice

[(Anonymous)]

If you ignore them they'll leave you alone.

Re: Bad Advice

[(Anonymous)]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Things that don't kill me just tend to fuck me up in other ways

Re: Bad Advice

[(Anonymous)]

"A man and a woman can't be friends without sexual tension. There will always be sexual tension."

The entire concept grossed me out, so I decided the solution was to go out of my way to never, ever, ever befriend anyone of the opposite sex. Which was stupid of me, but I was a teenager and teenagers are stupid.

Re: Bad Advice

[dethtoll]

"Just ignore them."

Yuh-huh. That worked out real well.

Re: Bad Advice

[(Anonymous)]

The whole "Sticks and Stones" bullshit. Seriously, I would have preferred to be beaten up in school on a daily basis instead of the psychological damages I suffered because of the mental torture I went through. I became a highly paranoid, depressed, pathetic shit with low self esteem and anxiety issues - how the hell does that hurt less than a black eye once in a while?

Re: Bad Advice

[nightscale]

Echoing " Ignore them and they'll go away." No they'll just try even harder to get a rise out of me.

Re: Bad Advice

[(Anonymous)]

One time I worked at a job that had a lot of high-end clients, and one of the staff members tried to convince me to be an escort for rich men. When I told him that I had a long term relationship with my boyfriend, planned to move in with said boyfriend, and was no way interested because I'd rather find another way to pay for graduate school, he basically told me, "You know, your boyfriend could leave you any time. How is puppy love going to pay the bills? You're a young and beautiful girl. You should take advantage of that while you still can."

So yeeeeeaaah, I got out of that job real fast because skeevy things like that started happening more frequently.

TW for disordered eating

[(Anonymous)]

"Go to this clinic for teenagers with weight problems" which led to "Eat half the amount you eat right now."

Because growing up below the poverty line, with three of five of us kids suffering from a serious medical condition, sure meant we could afford good food and obviously my problem was over-eating. My problem was that I had to eat a certain amount because I was diabetic and required a set amount of exchanges a day, and the food we could afford meant those exchanges came with a fair amount of fat. And there's ridiculous amounts of medical fuckery going on too. My problems with my weight were a lot more complicated than just eating too much.

And now, thanks to that clinic and their assumptions and their not even asking any of us how much we ate (and I know I wasn't the only one whose problem was more complicated than that), I don't actually know what a reasonable portion looks like and I feel guilty every time I eat, I've fucked up my metabolism through binge-and-restrict cycles, and I feel bad spending money on food.

Re: Bad Advice

[lunabee34]

If you work hard enough you can achieve anything. Or hard work is always rewarded.

Yeah no. LOL

I always did very well in the rarefied atmosphere of K-12 education. In that environment, hard work really is rewarded. You generally do get positive results for going above and beyond and keeping your nose to the grindstone. Imagine my utter dismay when I discovered that real life doesn't work that way. The people getting promoted at your job might deserve it the least; shoddy work might go unacknowledged. Doing your job well might actually make you a target for the professionally insecure. I bought into the meritocracy hard, and it's been sad adjusting to the reality.

"You'll make a great professor."

[chardmonster]

You know, I probably would! IF UNIVERSITIES STILL HIRED FULL TIME HISTORY PROFESSORS.

I'm now trapped in a graduate program that I know will lead to me somehow disappointing everyone I care about no matter how awesome my dissertation turns out! I'm going to be a highly educated office drone if I'm lucky enough to get a job in an office! Or I'll be a poorly paid adjunct slash housewife utterly dependent on my spouse for a decent standard of living!

Or maybe I'll be lucky and get a government history gig! And everyone will still be disappointed I'm not teaching! If I'd tried to be a cop or a grade school teacher or something I might've ended up happy! But now that I've tried to be something a bit higher up anything less will look like failure! I can't even consider anything that isn't this job I no longer think I can get!

THANKS COLLEGE! I ACTUALLY WISH I WEREN'T INTELLIGENT AND HAVE LOST ALL LOVE FOR MY BEST SUBJECT. GREAT.

Another one. "Everyone is beautiful."

[chardmonster]

I mean physically, not our personalities.

No. Not everyone is beautiful. Some of us are ugly. And that's okay, because physical beauty isn't that important compared to your core personality, talents, everything that makes you a good human being. You can be a wonderful, kind, talented person in a golem body.

But instead everyone is saying LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN to, like, the ugliest people. Not LOOK AT THIS WONDERFUL PERSON, not LOOK AT THIS SMART LADY, but LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ISN'T SHE GORGEOUS IN THIS OUTFIT THAT MAKES HER LOOK LIKE SOME KIND OF SAUSAGE WITH THAT GIGANTIC FACE BOIL, SHE IS FABULOUS.

No. Fuck you. All this has lead to is me not believing people when they say I look good because they're probably just saying that because that's just a thing you say now. They don't mean it. It's empty. I doubt I'm the only person who feels this way. You want to pay someone a compliment? Find something you actually like about them.

Re: Bad Advice

[(Anonymous)]

"Everyone's soulmate is out there somewhere." Actually I keep seeing variations of this on my dash on Tumblr and it irritates me. Like, glad you found your 'soulmate' or whatever but I have to go be depressed because I don't appear to have one. 'Oh you just haven't met them yet' does not help. Stop assuming because your romantic life worked out we are all happy paired off bunnies.

Re: Bad Advice

[(Anonymous)]

"It doesn't matter how you feel, just smile at everyone and your day will be better!"

Hahaha easier said than done while you're safe at home.

Re: Bad Advice

[otakugal15]

"You're in high school. You can't have a job. You need to focus on your studies."

Apply that also to me not getting my driver's license while I was in high school.

Thanks to that "advice" and thinking, I never got a job until after I graduated college and it's a shit warehouse job because I couldn't get a retail one cause I wasn't experienced enough in the interviewing department to convince people I can do the job if given the chance.

And I got my license at 25....

So, in terms of that, yeah. Very shitty. I still have trouble talking to people over the phone for professional reasons as I never really had that opportunity before.